False Pretenses
by youngandmature
Summary: Edward and Bella hate each other. When everyone has to move schools, both enrol at Forks Boarding Academy in order to escape each other. When fate intervenes, they find they can no longer deny the feelings they've spent their lives running away from.
1. Goodbye Seattle

**Disclaimer:** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. I don't own Twilight.

_This disclaimer may only be posted once or on every second chapter. It's right here and it applies to all chapters, outtakes and whatever else may arise in relation to False Pretenses._

**Author's Note:** Massive thanks and hugs to my Project Team Beta beta's for this chapter: SavageWoman and LightStarDusting. And then to my beta/prereader TillyWhitlock who helped me rework the chapter further.

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**_"You often meet your fate on the road you take to avoid it."  
-French proverb_**

**_~/~_**

**PREFACE**

Fate.

That one word decides your life, and you have no control over it. Fate is centric in all our lives. Whether we choose to ignore it or embrace it is a different story.

Fate is your "meant to be." Your fate is indomitable before the dawn of time and is completely unchangeable. Fate is not negotiable. Changing, escaping or altering fate is not an option, but an impossibility. You can try to run from fate, but it'll only find you, time and time again.

Fate can play God. You can't hide. They are separate entities, yet still hold absolute, unrelenting control. Fate is much like a puppet master and his strings.

Cheating, escaping or changing fate is impossible. Fate is unwavering and unquestionable. There are no exceptions. No coincidences. Everything happens for a reason.

Escaping fate can be likened to an amateur playing in a world-class poker game. No matter what cards you are dealt or how much you practise for the match, you won't win. You are up against a whole different league of players.

Much like human beings and fate.

Fate will happen. It's a matter of waiting for it. The specifics of your future vary depending on your situation. Though, one answer remains the same. That question being why? The unchanging answer: because it's meant to be.

What I've intended to be an escape from fate ended up being the catalyst. No one could foretell what was to come.

I've spent my life attempting to change fate by running from it, but it just wasn't in the cards for me. My efforts were in vain; fate would always find me.

Running away is an interesting metaphor. There's only one reason why people ever run-away: avoidance. Everyone who avoids knows that it can't last forever. The little bubble they build to keep themselves safe will burst. People accepting your running away only provides fuel to the fire. You begin to believe that running away is okay, acceptable or normal even. But like all runaways, eventually you are caught at a crossroads. It has to come to an end. In what visible or invisible form the last card comes in, it's dealt. And now I have to play my hand. But it is futile.

Now I'm blocked. Fate has found me, and I have no other choices. I have to stop running.

**

* * *

CHAPTER ONE: GOODBYE SEATTLE**

**Edward POV**

_Brown hair, closed eyes with fluttering eyelashes and pouty lips moved closer towards me. Closer, closer, closer... Her lips came closer and my hand twisted into the hair at the nape of her neck. I shut my eyes slowly and was about to lean in and close the remaining distance between us when I heard a slightly familiar voice break into my concentration._

_I opened my eyes and tried to look for the source of the distraction but came up short. When I turned back to Bella to ask if she knew what was going on, I screamed._

_She was disappearing, blowing away in sand. At a later time I would realize that the scene before me was reminiscent to the film Jumanji but I couldn't concentrate on that now. _

_I was losing her._

_I screamed for her to come back to me and tried to grab at the vanishing Bella, but she never did. Despair and meaninglessness took over._

_My heart was beating fast and hard. I was sweating buckets and dying inside._

_She was gone. Now, how would I-_

I jolted awake before my nightmare ended. My eyes fluttered open, disoriented. Upon realizing that it had all just been a dream, I slapped my hand blindly at my alarm clock several times before I hit the right button to shut it up. After the blaring noise stopped I realized the slightly familiar voice that interrupted in my dream. It was the local radio host of Seattle's own KMPS. Otherwise known as my alarm clock's set radio station.

I rubbed at my eyes and groaned at everything that was being dredged up by my nightmare. They happened sometimes. Not so often anymore, but they occurred every now and then. Particularly, when an event related to her was close.

Burying feelings and memories. A day in the life of Edward Cullen.

Putting everything related to her out of my mind, as I had become very familiar with doing, I stretched and made a start on my day.

Besides, those days were long behind me.

After getting dressed, I trekked over to the sink in my bathroom. Turning on the tap and splashing my face with cold water to wake me up came next. Efficiently woken up, I placed the head of my toothbrush under the stream of water and then turned off the tap. Drawing a line of Crest onto my toothbrush, and sticking it into my mouth, I stared at my reflection while brushing my teeth.

My green eyes looked tired at this hour of the morning, and my bronze hair was messy, as usual. It was untamable, so I wouldn't even bother. My phone's ringtone snapped me out of my self-assessment.

_Let me know that I've done wrong, when I've known this all along._

_I go around a time or two, just to waste my time with you..._

I smiled to myself when Jasper's ringtone, "Dirty Little Secrets," blared from my cell in my room. I ran out of my bathroom, with my toothbrush in my mouth, into the disaster zone to answer the call. I must have looked like a hurricane in my search for my phone, rummaging through piles of dirty clothes on the floor. He'd stolen my phone and changed his ringtone. It should have been Muse. _Offending my ears with that pop shit, ugh._ It was almost unforgivable.

_Tell me all that you've thrown away, find out games you don't wanna play._

_You are the only one that needs to know. I'll keep you my dirty little secr-_

I picked up the phone, tore the toothbrush out of my mouth, and spoke into the receiver.

"Jazz. What's up, my man?"

"Where the fuck are you, Cullen? Are you coming for last day or not?"

Our school was closing down. It had been the attack of an arson at the start of holidays, and the whole main building burnt down. Insurance covered it but there wasn't enough time to rebuild, and several parents enrolled their students elsewhere. There weren't enough returning students so we all had to move. Usually the enrolment application deadline would have been closed already, but the Education Department put out a notice to nearby schools so they'd be making an exception for us.

It was our last day today. It wasn't a school day, it was more of a farewell party our school was holding for us. Summer break was nearly over. Today was Friday, and the new school year started on Monday. Those going to boarding schools would leave earlier, but otherwise people would start senior year the following Monday.

"Relax, I'm coming. I just slept in. Jess just left."

Jasper stifled a laugh on the other end as I rolled my eyes.

"Booty call, eh? She's lucky you let her sleep over for once."

"Are you fucking kidding? First, I didn't touch that shit. She was whining and wouldn't leave. Second, it's the first time she's even been in my house. You know this."

It was true. She was my partner for the special project our class decided to do. We had one really cool teacher, in particular, and had decided to make a scrapbook for her. Unfortunately, my mother had ran into Jessica's mom at the general store, and I'd been roped into assisting Jess with the farewell present to Mrs. Palmers.

Though Jess may have wanted something more to happen, it didn't. I think she slept over and insisted it was "too dangerous to drive at this ungodly hour" in hopes for the something more.

It was 10:30 at the point she declared it too late. God, the extent some would go.

"Hm, you really need to choose one girl. You're like a walking ad for every sexually transmitted dis-"

I cut him off and changed the subject. He liked to tease me about the false rumors. _Idiot._

"Look, Alice and I will be over in ten, 'kay?"

"Sure."

With that, I hung up the phone. I stuck my head out my door and yelled down the stairs to Alice, telling her that we were leaving in a minute. The pixie took way longer than any other human to get ready. Jasper and Alice had been dating for the past two years, and she had never been happier... or taken longer getting ready. I'd never understand girls and the importance of clothes and makeup to them.

Alice was tiny. She had short raven-black hair and hazel eyes. She was as graceful as me and used it to her advantage. Alice was the human incarnate of the Energizer bunny. She was tireless and had the kindest heart. I loved her dearly and was proud to call her my sister.

She did have her faults, though. She was most definitely not perfect. Alice was cunning, devilish, and had this uncanny way of knowing what was going to happen ahead of time. When she got all _Madame Fate_ on everyone, she had this way of looking at you with the beady eyes of a hawk. The girl missed nothing. It was creepy.

She was the best sister a guy could ask for, and I'd be nowhere without her.

Thank God she was dating Jasper so guys didn't put the moves on her often. She could stand on her own, though. She looked nimble, delicate, and like someone who'd cower in a corner in a dark alley, but I knew better.

I'd been on the receiving end of her wrath and her strength. It was embarrassing as all fuck, but she had tiny, magic flailing limbs that hurt like a bitch.

She was lucky most guys knew my rep and backed the fuck off her. After Mike, people didn't attempt to hurt Alice any more. I was protective of her, but with her type of friends and the guys fawning over her, I'd say I was pretty justified.

I supposed Alice and I were close because we could relate to a certain extent. I was the school's quarterback, and she was a cheerleader. We both understood the students in our school were all plastic and fake. They would use you to get what they wanted. Everyone had a motive. I was older than Alice by two minutes, born to our parents Carlisle and Esme.

I started up the Volvo five minutes later with Alice in the backseat. The drive to Jasper's, with my impeccable skills, took three minutes. We pulled up to the Spanish influenced house, and he jumped in the backseat.

"Cullen," he said, with a nod of his head to acknowledge me.

He then turned to my sister, and they shared a quick kiss before starting to stare intently and lovingly at each other. I internally groaned at how in love they were.

I wasn't resentful of my best friend and sister together, and I didn't have a reason to be, either. There were no two people in this world that deserved happiness more than they did, and they couldn't have been better matched. I just couldn't help but feel a little left out. We were about to start senior year, and I hadn't had a girlfriend for a while. I guess that was somewhat my own fault, though.

I pulled out of the drive of Jasper's house, or the "Whitlock Manor," as he liked to call it, and sped down the road and onto the highway to school. It was our last day to walk the dreaded halls of Seattle High. Praise the Lord. Today was our last unofficial day. We'd all move off to different high schools next week. Me, Jasper and Alice were heading off to Forks Boarding Academy after today.

We were going there tonight to settle in before classes started on Monday. All three of us had made a deal not to tell anyone which high school we were headed to in case of people following us there. There was no way Jessica Stanley or Mike Newton could come with us.

Forks Boarding Academy was an upper class, elite school, and not many people even knew of it. There were girls, who Alice dubbed groupies of the "I Love Edward Cullen" Fan Club, that we couldn't be positive wouldn't follow me to Forks. In all seriousness, I doubted anyone else at our school was even wealthy or smart enough to be accepted, but we weren't taking unnecessary risks. Truthfully, both Jas and I were a little overprotective of Alice since the Mike incident, and maybe we were being slightly paranoid by keeping everything hush-hush, but with the likes of Crowley and Mallory running around, who could blame us? There was no way any of us three could suffer through another year with them kissing our arses.

If I was being practical, I'd admit that FBA wasn't even in the same region as the city we lived in. It was doubtful anyone would think of leaving Seattle in the first place. But, as I said before, we weren't taking any chances.

The town of Forks was essentially a tiny little speck in the middle of a beautiful green rainforest, and incredibly lush. It was completely covered in moss and while Seattle was quite green, it was a fairly big city and the absolute seclusion of Forks made it seem magical.

I, for one, would take the lush woods and serenity over the hustle and bustle and skyscrapers any day.

Because we were being really secretive about the whole thing, even Alice's best friend, Bella, didn't know where Alice was headed. I believed she just assumed that they'd head to another Seattle high school together, and even though Alice wouldn't admit it, she felt guilty for not telling Bella our secret. But Bella didn't talk of her plans either, and Alice wasn't sure where she was going but didn't broach the subject in case Bella asked Alice as well.

Alice thought that Bella knew something was up. She decided it wasn't like Bella not to be curious, so Alice concluded that Bella had a secret too. As much as not knowing her best friend's secret killed Alice, she knew that she couldn't question Bella as that would lead to Bella questioning Alice. Alice was forced to suck it up. Both friends were in an unspoken agreement that they were both harboring secrets and were unwilling to share, so they decided not to ask each other anything at all on the topic. As much as Alice wanted to tell Bella, she knew Bella's inability to lie effectively would become a hazard to our plan.

The fact that they got along so well still remained a mystery to me.

Where Alice was a bouncing, hyperactive sort, and was addicted to shopping, Bella was serene and would rather stay at home with a book. They were complete opposites.

* * *

**_Flashback to Sophomore Year in High School_**

Bella's parents and ours had been friends since high school, so every summer since we were born we would see each other. We had an alternating schedule- one year we'd fly to Phoenix, the next they'd fly to Seattle. It was a tradition of sorts, and the three of us had grown up together. We all lived for the summer when we saw each other; the rest of the year served just as the in-between months.

Bella had seen herself as being plain when she was a little girl, but to me she had been beautiful. Alice and Bella were close friends back then, but Bella and I were best friends.

I'd always felt an unidentifiable emotion around Bella, but I had just ignored it all those years in a way.

Eighth grade Was the first of two times since being born that we didn't see each other for the holidays. I was greatly disappointed even if I wouldn't admit it to myself. Her parents were fighting a lot, and it just wasn't a good time to visit.

Freshman year of high school, her parents were separated and it was too complicated to visit. Come sophomore year of high school, her parents had divorced, and she chose to move to Seattle with Charlie, her father. She arrived just in time for the first day. There was no reunion with us, and we let them settle in for a few days first. Alice and I saw Bella for the first time in nearly three years the first day of school.

One thing about Bella and me was that we always had a connection. Though I tried to ignore the electricity, it was there. Our chemistry was palpable. You could feel the bond in the air, but I pretended I was oblivious to it.

The second she walked into the building first day, I could feel it. I distracted myself, while waiting for the moment we'd meet after all of this time. I wondered if the feeling would still be there- if the air between us would zing, if I would get butterflies from being around her. No doubt, she would hang around with us- she didn't know anyone else.

While I was excited for the reunion, I couldn't help but feel scared. Her opinion had always been much more valuable than others had for me. After not seeing her for summer of eighth grade and freshman year in high school, I got bored and socialized more which naturally resulted in my first girlfriend. Afterwards, Alice began setting me up on dates all the time. Following Alice's matchmaking period, girls began throwing themselves at me. The whole deal created quite a reputation for me- one that wasn't true.

But now, I was like a live wire. My nerve endings were frazzled and my brain had been scrambled, waiting for her arrival.

When I felt the electricity hit, I looked up to see Bella Swan, my best friend, looking at me.

When our eyes locked, my emotions warred inside me. She had blossomed into a gorgeous young woman – anyone could see that much. And I felt it – something was different. Something between us had changed.

* * *

**Present Time**

Isabella Marie Swan was her full name, but she preferred Bella. Well, preferred was an understatement. She despised being called "Isabella." She was beautiful, though. I hated to admit it, but it was true. She had long waist length mahogany hair, and deep chocolate pools for eyes. She was soft, but slender. She had the perfect body. She had small curves and ivory, if not transparent skin. Because of her creamy skin, when she blushed it was like strawberries and cream. She had a tendency to blush a lot. Her cheeks were constantly covered in a delicious crimson- she got embarrassed so easily. She was the most beautiful person I had ever seen, if I was being honest. She was soft and subtle- a true beauty. I liked boobs and arse as much as the next guy, but she was some apparition that had walked right out of my wet dream. Long before I'd seen her after puberty, the perfect girl in my head was a less stunning version of the new Bella. It was horrid having the person you hated most happen to be your dream girl when in physical form. But I had to give Bella props; she was exquisite- well on the outside at least.

Bella and I were long sworn enemies. Well, not long sworn, but at least since she moved here, actually. Regardless, we were constantly at each other's throats. I didn't even know why the girl insisted on throwing catty remarks at me whenever the chance appeared. Either way, we couldn't be civil if we were in the same room. The girl was so damn feisty with me.

She hated shopping, attention, gossip, and typical girl stuff.

While Bella and Alice didn't see each other for those climactic three years, they kept in contact with monthly phone calls. I knew everything going on in Bella's life as Alice had to know everything, and she would blather to me for hours after getting off the phone with Bella.

There was only one thing that bothered me. While we hadn't seen each other for those years, Bella had had sex. She had lost her virginity.

It bothered me, and it shouldn't have. Worsening the situation further was that I didn't know why it bothered me as much as it did.

She and Alice had been close all their lives, but after Bella moved to Seattle, their friendship solidified, and they became best friends.

She always thought she was right and degraded me constantly because "I had better things to do than stay friends with her." Maybe my judgment on her personality was clouded because of her lack of attraction to me. Her sophomore year, she transferred to our school and on the first fucking day had already been labelling me as shit that was untruthful. She didn't know what she was talking about. If there was one thing I wouldn't tolerate, it is disrespect.

As far as I knew, Bella and I hated each other due to what she claimed was me ignoring her during those two years and of course, my developed promiscuity. In my opinion we were no longer best friends because Bella constantly assumed things about me and she had made no effort to communicate with me either during the lost two years, so I assumed she wasn't interested in being friends.

After my dating extravaganza, courtesy of Alice, Alice didn't even know who her real friends were anymore so she more or less gave up.

Due to knowing her for so long, Alice knew Bella wasn't using Alice to get to me. And it did actually happen. Some girls had the nerve to use _the little one_ to get to me. Disgusting.

Bella and I hated each other ever since she moved to Forks practically, which meant that Bella wasn't using her to get to me and really did like Alice for, well, Alice.

Everyone just wanted a piece of me- every female in the student body except Bella. That infuriated me. I wasn't used to not being wanted, and her indifference to me her first day of school hurt my ego.

Maybe it hurt more because we'd been each other's first kiss when we were younger. Her not wanting me once we'd grown up pissed me off more. Either way, ever since her first day here, we'd hated each other.

We pulled up to school, and Alice hopped out to go see Bella. She was waiting by her red, ancient Chevy, wearing plain blue jeans and a deep blue sweater. She didn't even try to look good. Style naturally came to her. Jasper nudged me, and we left the car for first period.

"Stop drooling, Cullen."

"Ugh, don't even. I hate that bitch," I spat.

"Whatever, Cullen." With that comeback Jasper lost interest, dropping the subject.

On our way to Advanced Chemistry, I thought about why I wanted FBA as our first choice for our new high school. I would never tell Jazz or Alice, but the real reason I convinced them to come to Forks Boarding with me was because of Bella. Bella was the police chief's daughter, and her parents were divorced, meaning they weren't overly rich. I knew she couldn't afford FBA, and I wanted a fresh slate. I wanted no reputation in Forks. I wanted to build a new life without rumors- to start anew. Ridding my life of Bella was the final step that needed to be taken in order to achieve my goal.

Girls begged me to fool around with them, but I didn't. My mom taught me better. I had morals and a chivalrous nature nailed into me at a young age. I'd only ever partaken in anything of a romantic nature with girls who I was dating. In my entire lifetime, I had only ever had one serious relationship.

I'd never loved any of the girls I dated and figured I'd never love anyone, either. I just thought maybe I wasn't made to love. I'd never said "I love you," and that was usually why my relationships ended- they wanted something I couldn't give them.

Bella was so off base with her accusations of my promiscuity.

In fact, I was still a virgin. I was waiting for "the one." _I know it sounds all pussy, but it's true. _I dated around a lot at the stage when I wasn't seeing Bella due to her family issues. I think it was because I was bored without seeing Bella that summer. Without her, as she had been my best friend, I had nothing to do and was disappointed that something we'd wait all year-round for wasn't happening, and so it was my distraction._ I don't know..._

The demise of our friendship was after seeing me in the hall her first day here.

She'd commented to Alice afterwards about what a "jerk-ish, pompous pig I was for never keeping in contact with her." _I mean what the fuck? _I didn't do shit. But it was her loss. I cared about her, and that shit dug deep because it made me angry. She hadn't done shit to talk to me either. She mustn't have cared enough and was too busy forgetting about me. After that, it began. Catty remarks... all very grade school. Then, it escalated. The remarks had been few and far between in the beginning, but as time passed the fighting and unfounded hatred only became worse.

She'd probably thought her little comment had changed me, and it had. But I was too stubborn and pig-headed to let her believe that she had that kind of influence over me. After she rejected me- well, in all honesty, she didn't reject me, she just didn't fall over my feet begging for me. The fact that she didn't immediately cave to my charms shocked me. She continually surprised me. She was different and unlike all the other girls I'd ever met, and it scared me.

But since first day of sophomore year when I saw her, a feeling deep inside me stirred. I didn't know what it was, but I resented her for coming along and doing it to me anyway.

Bella had this weird power over me now. I was no longer at ease around her. Now, a glance would send me into paranoia, reeling self-doubt and over-analysis. It made me feel bad about myself, and somehow guilty for not talking to her at all during the time spent apart. And I hated that.

There were fleeting moments when I'd catch her staring at me with something other than hate. Disappointment, perhaps? Well, it saddened me.

Pinning all the blame on me wasn't fucking kosher. I couldn't deal with the time we didn't talk or the stab to my ego. I didn't want to think about the past, and I hated this semi-new power or voodoo shit she had over me.

Getting away from Bella, for once and for all, would ensure that she could never mess around with my equilibrium again.

Without her, things could finally be different, and I could make a show-stopping goodbye with my pride intact. Without her, I could be less complicated. Without her, my life would be less complicated.


	2. Do It All Over Again

**A/N: Standard disclaimer applies.  
**

Thanks go to my Project Team Beta beta's for this chapter: Dragonfly336 and Megan.

Enjoy! R&R and leave me some love.

**Song rec:** Again by Natasha Bedingfield

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**CHAPTER TWO: DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN**

_Hands over my head, thinking "What else could go wrong?"_  
_ Would've stayed in bed, how can the day be so long?_

_ Never believed that things happen for a reason_  
_ But how this turned out, removed all my doubts_

_ So believe, that for you I'd do it all over again_  
_ Do it all over again_  
_ All I went through, led me to you_  
_ So do it all over again, for you_

_**-Again by Natasha Bedingfield**_

_**~\\\~**_

**Bella's POV **

I waited in the parking lot by my beaten down truck for Alice to arrive. As the Volvo came into sight and parked, I straightened up and readied myself for Alice's exuberance. Alice bounded over to me while I tried not to watch her asshole brother and Jasper get out of the car. Jasper and Alice had been dating for the last ten months and I actually liked to think I had a small part in them getting together.

* * *

_**Flashback**_

_I'd watched Jasper make eyes at Alice for three months and heard Alice confess her big, fat crush to me constantly. She bleated on about them being soul mates and what her wedding dress would look like; it was ridiculous. One day it was enough. I snapped. They liked each other and everyone could see it; everyone but them._

_Unfortunately, Jasper was a part of our group. I had nothing against him but the fact that he hung out with us meant his best friend, the devil's incarnation himself, also known as Edward, did too. So, the four of us were just one big happy family. Insert rolling of the eyes._

_As I was sitting in the cafeteria one day. I decided that something had to be done. Enough was enough. _

_Alice had been flirting with Marcus Volturi and in my opinion attempting to enrage Jasper with jealousy. It was obviously working, the poor guy. Leading both guys on was a bitch move. When Alice returned to the table after her shenanigans, Jasper was visibly hurt and trying not to show it. That was it._

_I was tired of three months of the non-stop drama because of those two. It was annoying and irrational for two people who wanted to be together to not be together, for no reason at all. I couldn't concentrate in class because Alice's "heart was breaking, every second just a little bit more."I was frustrated and at the end of my rope._

_"Alice, stop being mean! Jasper, smarten up!" They both blinked at me, looking genuinely confused, so I just spilled the beans. Only good could come of it at this point in time. _

_I stood up abruptly and screamed at Alice and Jasper, "For God's sake, everyone knows that you two like each other, so what the fuck are you doing?" _

_Meanwhile, the whole student body had turned to look at me as I gave my spiel. I barely noticed._

_I turned accusingly towards Jasper. _

_"The proof is right in your eyes by the way you look at Alice and the way you get jealous whenever any guy speaks to her. Ugh, I'm sick of this denial shit!" I turned to Alice now. "Alice, you know you like him and he likes you. So talk about it." _

_Turning my body, I looked at both of them, with their jaws nearly touching the ground and I concluded my speech. Everyone in the cafeteria sat with baited breath, shocked to see the cool, calm and collected Bella Swan crack. _

_I took a deep breath to calm myself and my embarrassment. It only just sank in that all eyes were on me as I lost my cool. I hated the spotlight. The hungry-for-drama student body hung on my every word, like vultures swooping in to eat the remains of a warthog in the desert._

_Only this time, I was Pumba._

Shit.

_I cringed internally at my self-realization and purposely lowered my voice so only our table could hear._

_With my parting line, I dragged each syllable out and spoke slowly, as if explaining something to two year olds or an animal. _

_"He likes you and she likes you, so talk." _

_With that, in my irritation at myself, I slammed my lunch tray down, startling Edward out of his seat. Any other time and I would have pissed myself laughing, but not today. I was not in the mood. _

_He seemed to try to restrain himself, but started chuckling behind his hand. Soon it turned into full blown and he was rolling on the ground laughing. I couldn't believe that Assward had the nerve to laugh at me! _

_I snapped at him, under my breath and stormed out to go calm myself.  
**

* * *

**_**Present Time**

Needless to say, my confrontation had produced good results.

Alice came over to yell at me later that afternoon, but she was smiling. After reaming me for exposing secrets and breaking the sisterhood code, I got tired and slapped my hand over her mouth.

When I told her to quit it and that it was the right thing to do, her eyes lit up with excitement before she detailed how they talked everything out and were going on a date. That night!

It was a Wednesday. When I mentioned it was a school night, she grinned and told me they couldn't wait until the weekend. I laughed for my best friend through a smug, self-satisfied smirk.

Luckily, my fortune turned around and everything remained relatively normal afterwards. Edward still laughed at me. Alice and Jasper made eyes at each other. Eric Yorkie asked me out daily. We remained the top dogs of the school.

To be honest I didn't really see why I was in the 'popular' group. I could see why the other three were popular, no doubt.

Alice was the beautiful, bubbly head cheerleader who loved parties and shopping.

Jasper was easygoing and had movie star good looks.

Lastly, there was Edward. He was something else. Movie star looks as a description just didn't do him justice. It would be classified as misleading advertising or something. Needless to say, the girls loved him. He practically had an unofficial 'I Love Edward Cullen' fan club. It was made up of his groupies and a few closet fan girls. Also, being the captain and the quarterback of the football team catapulted him to celebrity status at our school.

But I, unlike the other three, was nothing special at all.

I knew it was the other three that made us popular. I was average at best and yet they welcomed me with open arms. Well, two of them did. Granted I'd had the added advantage of knowing Alice and Edward all my life, but the student body didn't know of our history so I think everyone was shocked to see me as the new member of their group. It was the talk of the town for weeks, before being chased out of the top spot at the rumor mill, after "the party of the year" got busted up by the cops.

Although a part of the most popular group, I wasn't spoken to a lot outside of school. Because of other three's beauty, we were the highest on the food chain. We were somewhat the elite or untouchable. We had status and people were afraid to associate with us. I really wished I wasn't popular though. The constant attention drove me bat shit and I thought the whole social structure was incredibly superficial. The other three agreed with me. But it didn't stop the adoration from other students. It mostly sprung from people thinking the other three were better and too beautiful for them. I could understand the intimidation well enough, though.

Jasper was tall, with shaggy, honey blonde hair and sparkling ocean-blue eyes. He was well-built, not all gross and bulky, but had a nice, little amount of muscle packed onto him. He could have been an Abercrombie model in another life. He looked the part, but he was so much better than that. He was sensitive, calming and caring. Being around him made you feel at ease and despite his Brad Pitt looks he was completely kind hearted and down to earth.

Edward and I didn't get along for many reasons. Reasons for more than he'd ever know. Although I tried my hardest not to think of him, I couldn't help but be attracted to him. He was the most beautiful person on the planet. No exaggeration. He was breathtaking. It was honestly devastating. He had the most mesmerizing emerald green eyes with small flecks of gold in them, and tousled bronze-copper colored hair. Some days I was lucky and see him while he was outside. The sun would manage to pick the colour of it up magnificently and hit it in exactly the right way, resulting in it look naturally highlighted and aglow. It was drool inducing. The best part was that I knew for a fact that Edward did nothing to enhance his looks. It was just how he woke up.

Some people had all the luck.

Edward was over six feet. tall, and carved like a sculpture. His face is perfectly angular and he has flawless, unblemished skin. Edward has the most untypical bone structure God could conjure up. He had a defined jaw, square, set and chiselled. His chin was square-like too. He had soft pink lips that begged to be kissed and long, slender pianist fingers. Every line, every muscle, every bone was heartbreakingly perfect. The man was a deity. Doomed to a life of perfection.

Jasper was good looking, sure. But he couldn't hold a torch to the real life Dante.

Today he wore a black button down and distressed jeans. The shirt clung to his torso tightly-so tight you could see his abdominals contract occasionally and his muscles ripple- and complimented his physique. He could wear a brown paper bag and kill the airbrushed runway models. It was strange this being the last day of school here- it brought to me a sense of nostalgia, and my thoughts began to drift towards my first day at SHS.

_

* * *

_

**_Flashback to first day of school in Seattle High School: Sophomore Year_**

_I was quietly walking to find my locker while thinking about all of my problems._

_As I rounded the corner, he, a beautiful boy-man, was leaning against a locker talking to a beautiful blonde. He had bronze hair tousled naturally to perfection, and seemed disinterested in the chatty girl._

_I knew him. It was Edward. As in the same Edward I'd known before I was even born. We'd always had a certain chemistry. The electricity between was electric and even after so long, seeing him again- the fire within me was reignited._

_He'd changed also. Edward had always been handsome to say the least, but right now he was the perfect specimen. He'd really grown into his looks._

_Seeing him again- it struck something in me. And I realised something had changed. I couldn't quite put my finger on it but the feeling ceased to go away._

_He looked up at me at that moment and when his emerald green eyes met mine he took my breath away. In quite the literal sense. His eyes sparkled as he seemed to forget about the pretty blonde and began to stride down the hall towards me._

_Edward stopped in front of me. As he reached me I began to draw in deep, ragged breaths. My index finger and thumb pressing into my temples. Strands of hair in his eyes decorated his face as he looked up at me from under his eyelashes. His eyes were smouldering at me and slowly, teasingly his lip curved up into the most devastatingly beautiful crooked smile. I was dazzled._

_A second later, the expression vanished and he looked at me curiously before stalking off. He left me gaping in his wake until hot tears started to form and hurt and embarrassment washed over me. It had all been some game; a dare, a joke. Nothing had changed. He didn't regret not talking to me for those years and I was furious._

_In that moment I realized- after witnessing his charm firsthand, I knew. He was a heartbreaker. Whether it was intentional or not, he was one._

_But seeing him, his beauty... As superficial as it was his beauty had a power over me and I only disliked him more for it. I'd go down gallantly with the ship before I let him see his affect on me. I mean, it was Edward._

_So I swore an oath to myself, then and there; to not get wrapped up in all that is Edward Cullen. I promised myself I would stay resilient and I set myself an impossible challenge; to resist the irresistible._

_

* * *

_

**Present time**

Resilience equalled ignorance.

And so I continued to ignore him with as much indifference as I could muster and matched what he showed me. I pretended to hate him so that it would be easier to ignore him, but it was still hard. I put myself through torture thinking of the time apart in Phoenix and how he didn't care for me like I cared for him. My pretension eventually began my real hatred and things only escalated from there.

If he wanted to do aloof, then I would. Though we ignored each other we were pretty big on harsh little comments directed at one another. These little jabs usually ended in verbal sparring matches.

I snapped out of my thoughts when the energetic ball that is Alice sprung into me for a hug. We started walking to class, eager to escape any drama on the last day of school.

We had yet to outwardly tell each other our plans for our new high school. I knew that I couldn't go to the same school as her, as much as I wanted to, because that would mean Edward would be there too. I would miss Alice and Jasper but I just couldn't be around Edward.

I figured out where Alice was going though. She, Edward and Jasper were all enrolled at Seattle High School's other campus- I had seen a brochure in her bag. I was looking for her makeup for her and happened across it. It was sad to part with her. Despite her brother, I really did love her. I had a feeling she didn't want to say goodbye out loud. Like saying the words made them more final. But I knew and so I searched around for other good schools in the area and found one. I enrolled and got accepted on a full scholarship. I would go there tonight with Charlie after school let out.

Alice and I had decided to meet at Edward's Volvo to part ways, though she didn't quite use those words. I saw the sadness in her eyes and knew that's what she meant though. When I got there, I found Edward, instead of Alice, leaning on the driver's door. I figured Alice was late, probably waiting for Jasper and decided to sit on the seat near Edward's car, with my back facing him. I was staring at my feet when I sensed another presence. I looked up to see Alice a few metres away frowning, while dragging her feet towards me.

When Alice sat beside me I was afraid to look into her eyes in case a tear betrayed my strong front, so I stared forward instead. The pain and loss I could feel emanating out of her was almost unbearable. We were in tune with each other that way. She always seemed to know what I was thinking. I would swear she was a psychic sometimes. I smiled to myself nostalgically as I remembered all the times she had called me on my lies. My smile turned to a frown when I thought about the loss and gain with the whole situation. I was gaining a lot by finally graduating and leaving this hellhole. But I think I was losing so much more. A stray tear slid down my cheek as I reminisced and begun to grieve.

"Alice, I don't know what to say."

When she didn't answer, I figured she might need comforting too and felt anguished thinking about the little pixie being really upset. It just wasn't right.

"Alice, we can still stay-"

I turned to look at her and couldn't finish my sentence as I tried to read her eyes. Regret, sadness and guilt? What did she have to feel guilty for? As I puzzled over this Edward came up behind Alice and began talking to me.

"Swan. Do you mind speeding this up? We've got places to go," He bitterly snipped.

"Anything to assist you in your "Goodbye Seattle High Booty Call," I shot back angrily.

Didn't he even have the human decency to even allow Alice and me this? Was he so far removed from the boy I used to know?

No, that was not true. Edward was still the same. Absolutely perfect in every way. Except with me, of course.

Still, Alice and I needed this. He owed me at least a goodbye with his sister. If not for me, then for Alice.

Alice snickered beside me, while Edward's mouth hung open in shock. I was glad to have gotten anything from Alice. Our verbal sparring and Alice's restrained reaction was a true summing up of the year at this school and our whole lives really- only when we were younger, we fought over pettier things but were best friends nonetheless.

It was actually pretty lame that everything had come to this though. You'd think, being the last day and all he would have tried to make peace before parting ways. I was so frustrated at his lack of heart when deep down I realized I was just as bad; had I made any effort towards reconciliation with him? No, I had not. I ignored this thought when a wave of sadness washed over me.

Edward stalked off, and after a few minutes Alice and I had bid our tear filled farewells. We'd agreed that this was not goodbye and that we'd stay in touch. I think knowing this wasn't the end made it a little easier.

The Volvo sped out of the student parking lot, when the full force of what had just happened hit me. I just said goodbye. To one of the only people I ever loved. To this school. And this chapter of my life. I would never see most of the people I met here ever again. If I was being honest with myself it was one person in particular that hurt me the most to say goodbye to. Deep down I knew that I was losing more than Alice with this situation. I didn't understand why I was feeling what I was feeling though. I began to sob uncontrollably as I somehow managed to heave myself into my truck's cab. I buried my head in my hands and willed this to somehow never have happened. To go back a year so I could do it all over again.

**~\\\~**

**_"The follies which a man regrets most in his life, are those which he didn't commit when he had the opportunity."_****  
-Helen Rowland**


	3. Crossroads

**A/N:** NEWS! I have real, permanent betas now and will no longer be using PTB. Endless thanks go to them for doing such a "bibbidy-bobbidy-boo" job on my rambles.

Thanks go to my beta's sbsp92 and Twilightrocks122.

Leave me some love once you hit the bottom, bb's!

**...**

**Song rec:** Born To Make You Happy by Britney Spears

* * *

**Edward POV **

I know I'd decided my life without Bella would be less complicated, but I realized I never decided if it would be better; if it would make me happier. All I knew for sure was that it would surely be less complicated. _Stop doubting it Edward. Of course it was better now. _

This was what I'd been waiting for. I hated Bella and I'd just gotten rid of the plague. I would definitely be happier. I was suddenly overwhelmed and confused by the fact I wanted her to prove me wrong.

After we dropped Jasper at home, Alice and I drove back to our house. I think without saying it we felt the same thoughts. We were saying goodbye to the life we once knew, and we didn't know when we'd be coming back here next. It was unsettling and I involuntarily shivered after getting out of the car.

I'd already packed everything for Forks Boarding Academy and so had Alice. Carlisle drove us straight over after school. And of course after Esme clung on to us for dear life, which broke my heart.

Jasper was meeting us there later tonight. After a few hours driving we finally made it, and I gasped. It was older and much more beautiful than I remembered.

We drove down a white stone driveway. At the end there was a fountain in the middle acting as a roundabout. The fountain has water coming out of the naked woman's mouth as she attempted to cover herself up. It was five PM now and students were probably heading to their dorms. Everyone I did see were sitting on blankets or tossing footballs around. The main building- which included the office and where core classes were held- was a stone mansion with ivy climbing up the trellises and out onto the balconies. The mansion reminded me a little of those really nice Catholic churches.

Once we got inside and got our details, Alice and I asked if there were any other students from Seattle Junior coming here. The lady, Mrs. Cope, told us only us, one boy and one girl but that she couldn't announce names. Well, the boy was Jasper. And I didn't know who the girl was. Carlisle, Alice, and I headed out into the night air and towards our building, Kennedy House. My dorm was in the McCarty wing and Alice's in the newly added Hale wing. We were both in the same building though. The buildings were also our 'houses' for sport and whatnot. Our building was called Kennedy, and our house was white colour. The houses were each named after influential people in relation to this school. The whole building had dark hardwood floors and it was actually really modern and nice. Everything was decorated or furnished in creams and off-whites.

Carlisle went with Alice to see her room and we split up. We were both on the second floor. We took the elevator up and separated ways. It seemed each level in each building had signs on the walls explaining which way to go like it was a little city of streets. There were a few signs indicating girls were on one half, boys on the other. Now it was a matter of wandering around to find my room. I actually thought it was cool it was a co-ed boarding school, then when they had girls and boys in the same buildings, and then on the same levels I thought this school had a lot of trust in their students. I began walking down the corridor looking for room 216. I finally reached it, turned my key in the hole and pushed open the door to find my room was more like a suite at the Bel-Air.

I still felt uneasy and tried to shake the feeling that I couldn't understand. I should have been happy about coming here, but I couldn't help but wonder if it was the right decision.

I startled myself out of my thoughts when I heard a sound in the room. I looked around and saw the Sasquatch. There was this massive guy with short dark hair sprawled out on the couch watching the football. His back was to me and I was thankful for the composure time.

I immediately plastered a big, fake smile on my face which I hoped hid my mood.

He was so big and muscled- he must be big on sports and weights. I cleared my throat, startling him.

He slowly turned around looking for the source of the noise. His hazel brown eyes met mine, and his furrowed brow from watching the game disappeared as well as the contemplative set of his mouth. It immediately turned into a happy grin and I noticed he had dimples. He was huge. He was so brawny. I'd hazard a guess and say he most likely played football, hence the reason why he was watching it. I assumed by his serious expression- so serious he didn't hear me come in the door- before he had been concentrating on the game and the technicalities of it. No doubt what every player has done before.

I went and introduced myself to the big bear after I put my bags down.

"Hey man. I'm Edward Cullen, one of your new roommates. My best friend Jasper will be our third roommate. He's coming later."

I was stupidly half-expecting him to crouch defensively and lunge at me like he was hunting me like the bear he was. He really could have been an irritable grizzly in another life if not for how happy he always seemed to be.

So, he surprised me when he hopped up from the couch, bounding over to me and pulling me into a suffocating bear hug before speaking. What surprised me more was that I temporarily forgot my worries in his presence, and the smile on my face was no longer fake.

"Ah, finally. Did you bring any food?" He boomed after pulling back from the bone-crushing hug. He started laughing good-naturedly afterwards, and then appraised me for a second, before deciding to attempt to fix the befuddlement that was my brain in this minute.

"Sorry about that, I'm Emmett McCarty. I was so bored and was beginning to feel isolated. I've been waiting for my roomies to show up, bro. It was like I was the last human on the planet or something and then you came in."

I laughed and he asked me my thoughts on the room.

"Nice place, huh?"

"Yeah, it's pretty sweet."

Then I realized what he had said. His name. I turned over his words in my head and the signs out in the wing before asking for confirmation.

"Wait... McCarty as in this wing?"

He looked sheepish and grinned at me playfully.

"Yeah, uh my great-grandfather donated money for the wing years ago and had it named after him. He used to go here."

"Oh. That's cool!"

After I sat down and settled in and shit, we talked for a few hours about junior high, moving here, girls and sports. He seemed great. He was loud and funny, and had the most infectious laugh. When I explained to him my goals about finding myself and stopping my man whoring, I was grateful he didn't laugh and seemed to understand.

"Yeah man. I used to be like that too. I totally get it."

I decided upon meeting Emmett that we were going to get along. I now found although he was such a piss-up that he could be serious, too. I think he found it awkward but he tried at least. He was so boisterous and loud and said the most random things, so when he made an effort to have serious conversation I really appreciated him.

I got a little awkward talking about leaving home and finding myself, and amazingly enough he sensed it and changed the subject. He talked for another hour about his life, his family back at home, and in turn making me forget about my problems.

I learnt that Emmett McCarty was the heir to McCarty Industries. He resided in Port Angeles and played football, baseball and basketball. He's loud, incredibly funny and goofy.

He then started another story about a prank a mate of his pulled when Jasper showed up. After the introductions and them getting to know each other a bit, we headed over to Alice's dorm room- Room 237, I think. Jasper was anxious for Emmett to meet 'his girl' and she was my sister and Emmett was my roommate so they should meet. We made plans to head into our house lounge and grab something to eat after picking Alice up. No doubt Carlisle had already left. He'd come to say goodbye 2 hours ago.

"Right, let's be off to get the pixie," I mumbled half-heartedly.

Emmett didn't know me well enough to know something was wrong but Jasper was tipped off, though. He looked at me with concern in his blue eyes. Emmett was leading the way out our door to go get Alice, and I just shook my head once, signalling Jasper not to worry. He seemed appeased for now and I wondered how I'd so easily convinced Jasper I was fine; he was usually so intuitive.

The truth was after Jasper arrived, reality had set in and I remembered my earlier worries and concerns. Emmett had me in a somewhat bubble while I spent my time with him and I'd forgotten about my life before this school. He'd given me no time to dwell. The bubble wasn't so much me and Emmett's bonding, more so the forgetting of my problems. Though Jasper was a part of The Emmett Saga and this new life, when he'd walked in, he seemed to burst through the bubble, and was the reminder of the other half of my life I left behind and was now trying to forget. It was part of my past.

Although I may have seemed at ease, I couldn't untangle the knot that had formed in my stomach. Instantaneously once I'd driven out of the gates of Seattle Junior High, the rope in my stomach had tangled itself into the most complicated knot known to man- Houdini could be resurrected and put under water, hands tied behind his back and die all over again due to knot complications. It was impossible. I told myself it was because I was afraid of life outside of where I'd been comfortable for so long. But I didn't want comfort anymore, remember? I was just afraid of the unknown I told myself. But I still couldn't help feeling like I'd left a part of myself behind as I'd drove further and further away from my old school.

**~/~**

**Bella POV**

I finally arrived at my new school. We drove through the gates and of course Charlie took over talking to the woman at the desk. Poor Mrs. Cope. I was surprised I'd managed to feel compassion for the receptionist after being numb all day.

"Welcome to Forks Boarding Academy!"

She'd begun cheerily enough, but ten minutes later she seemed tired out from Charlie's endless questions about the school and whatever else he seemed to think of.

After asking me ten times whether I was sure about this when he'd finished his game of "Twenty Questions" with poor Mrs. Cope he finally let me go. He left me to find myself in this strange and unfamiliar place and build the life I wanted for myself.

I watched him drive away in the cruiser through the revolving glass doors, and smiled when I thought I saw Mrs. Cope breathe a sigh of relief. Charlie could be overprotective and overbearing but he meant well. It was really quite sweet actually.

I finally got all the details for my dorm and headed to Kennedy House. I headed up to the second floor, rounded the corner after the elevator dropped me off and stopped in the middle of the hallway.

I froze in place; every limb tensing while my feet locked to the floor. I was unable to move.

In the hallway walking towards me was none other than Edward Cullen.

My eyes widened, and my jaw fell slack. My heart stopped for a beat, then picked up again beating out of my chest erratically. My breathing hitched and I begun to gasp for oxygen.

When his eyes met mine, I stopped breathing altogether and had an epiphany. I begun drowning in the tangled mess that was my thoughts as a million different emotions hit me all at once with such an incredible force I nearly fell over.

The Greek God stood before me at the crossroads, serving as a roadblock, blocking me from running. I could no longer deny, ignore or run from it.

And I couldn't escape him to save myself. It was like Fate's Loom existed, and had threaded me to him while intertwining our lives for better or for worse. It seemed like no matter how hard I tried I would always be inexplicably tied to him.

My head swirled endlessly, as I gradually progressed to the inevitable cliff-hanger of my life.

I could feel change was coming. There were no more choices left but to face it. And things could never be the same because I just had the most stinging realization.

I was and had always been in love with Edward Cullen.


	4. Closer To Whole

**A/N:** This chapter was beta'd by my fabulous duo sbsp92 and Twilightrocks122. Endless thanks for turning the chapter around into something readable.

To all the readers, thanks for the amazing support with this story.

To all the reviews/reviewers, I read and reply to each of your very much cherished comments.

To everyone in general, read and review! I love to know what you all think.

* * *

**Bella POV**

I resurfaced from the murky water that was my thoughts, my heart picking up speed ten times faster than normal. I began to stumble forward aimlessly with a light sheen of sweat on my forehead when my knees began to wobble. I squinted my eyes shut- sure that I would die of embarrassment and brain damage, for this was the fifth time I'd tripped today- and anticipated a greeting with the wooden floor. But it never came. I opened my eyes to find myself staring into a pair of worried, dark green emeralds.

And then everything went black.

**~/~**

**Edward POV**

"Eddie? Why are you being so emo?" Emmett teased.

Not as non-observant as I'd initially perceived. We'd all fallen into our roles as if he'd been with us all our lives. Emmett was the big oaf of a brother who was loud and constantly laughing and teasing us.

"It's because he left his true love behind," Alice stated secretively.

I froze before turning to Alice and arching a brow. I took a sip of my soda to keep from blurting anything unnecessary out loud.

"Relax, I'm joking. Der. Who did you think I meant?"

I relaxed and did my best to answer her indifferently, "I dunno. I'm out of it. I think I'm gonna skip and hit the sack early."

I said my goodnights and left the pizza parlour in our overzealous school's mall. I trudged across the mud to the undercover area before I made it into the Kennedy Building. I arrived in the lobby, only for girls to giggle while I walked past, and guys to stare at me in awe. I tugged on my hair in frustration.

I arrived at the elevator, waiting impatiently. When I stepped inside there was a couple making out which in turn made my stomach churn. I pressed button 3 in the elevator. 1 was for the lobby, 2 for the first floor, and 3 for the second.

The lovebirds got off at the first floor and I breathed a sigh of relief when the doors closed and no one else entered. I rode the elevator up another level before stepping out and getting my bearings before I headed off in the right direction to my room. I turned the corner staring at my feet when two guys ran past, wafting the air around me and sending me the scent of strawberries and freesia. No, it couldn't be.

I raised my eyes, both dreading and thrilled to see what I'd find.

When they were raised at eye level my eyes locked onto the deep brown, chocolate pools I thought I'd never see again.

Bella. _My_ Bella.

Wait, '_My_ Bella,' what!

I ignored my untrue words and brain's dysfunction, before briefly taking in her appearance; her hair was slightly untamed and she looked fairly frozen. Her eyes told me she was just as surprised to see me as I was to see her.

Her knees began to wobble and I rushed over before I'd consciously made the decision to assist and caught her in my arms just before she hit the ground.

I don't think I fully believed that she was here until her klutz-y self wobbled and proved me wrong. And I was happy to be proved wrong. For the first time in my life I was wrong and I was glad it was her and for this reason. Being proven wrong relating to Bella's appearance being real was beyond freeing. Upon believing it was really and truly Bella, my mouth lifted up into a stupid grin but I couldn't help it. I didn't even want to help it anymore. I'm not sure why but the gaping hole in my chest was smaller. There was still something missing and I didn't know what.

My inner conflict was abandoned when I looked at Bella again and saw that her cheeks were flushed crimson, and she slowly opened her eyes to meet mine. When she saw me she looked startled and afraid and then fell limp in my arms.

Dread seeped through my veins while I checked her vitals, wanting to make sure she was okay.

When I was positive that she seemed conscious, I carried her bridal style to my room, once inside laying her on the couch.

She looked so peaceful and innocent in sleep while I anxiously watched her for a few minutes before dashing for the fridge for an icepack. I had no need for a nurse as my father had taught me basic first aid.

Now, while I sat waiting for her to come round, I ran my fingers through my hair in distress and was forced to attack my thoughts head on.

First, Bella was here. So she must've been the fourth Seattle High student here. Well, lucky it wasn't Mike or Jessica.

Second, Bella was here and I had to face why I suddenly felt closer to completion.

Third, what did all this mean for us?

Her eyes started to flutter and I decided what I needed to do.

**~/~**

**Bella POV**

I could feel myself nearing the surface, like floating towards the surface from underwater. It felt as if I was suddenly breaking through a heavy weight. It was no longer pitch black here, there were spots of red. A few more seconds allowed my eyes to open and me to be blinded by the light. I blinked a few times allowing my eyes to adjust.

When I could see clearly I was confused. Completely perplexed.

Because Edward was still here. In a hotel room. With me.

I couldn't understand why my imagination was playing tricks on me. It was ironic enough that my escape from him had landed me in his arms. Even more than that, my realization was still at the forefront of my mind. I still had to decide what to do about it.

The reason I'd been hurt when he hadn't tried to keep in contact with me was for more than I'd initially realized. I had lost more than a friend. I'd never hated him; it was just easier that way.

My thoughts were broken through when I saw that he was staring intently at me, seemingly waiting for me to speak.

"Edward?" I croaked.

"Bella. Are you alright? You just collapsed in the hall."

He was at a weird angle so I looked down at myself to see me laying on a couch. I was still slightly disorientated so I slowly sat up.

"What are you doing here?"

I didn't mean to sound so demanding. He looked hurt for a second at my question before wiping his face clean of all emotion.

"Well, if I remembered correctly you are in my room..." he trailed off.

This was the dorm rooms. Huh!

"Urgh," I groaned. God, he was breathtaking when he was cocky. Snap out of it, Bella. "Um, I mean what are you doing here at FBA?"

"I could ask you the same question," he countered quickly.

He must've seen how unwilling I was to answer, so he told me his reason instead.

"We didn't want Jess or Mike or anyone following us here." Edward's eyes darkened upon saying his name, his face flushed in anger and his fists were clenching and unclenching by his sides. He looked downright dangerous- like he had that night. "After Mike got drunk at that party and was forcing himself on Alice, we just, I dunno. Alice was all paranoid. She didn't want anything to do with him. They wanted to tell you but you have trouble keeping a straight face when lying, so yeah."

He was obviously furious upon reliving that memory. I didn't doubt his feelings when he said we should kill Mike. Edward and Jasper had beaten him to unconsciousness and were very hard to convince to leave him alive. It had been Lauren Mallory's party and everyone was wasted. Mike was obviously out of it and was kissing Alice and trying to convince her to sleep with him. I had run up to Edward and Jasper with tears streaming down my face trying to tell them what was going on.

* * *

**_Flashback_**

Where the fuck were they? Alice. Oh my God, Alice. He wouldn't listen. He just wouldn't stop.

Where were Edward and Jasper? My thoughts snarled and panicked, I ran through the dancing bodies trying to locate Edward or Jasper. I fell over when I ran into a wall. I wanted to break down. There was no time. Looking up, I found it was only Edward with Jasper beside him. Jasper offered me a hand up and when I was at eye level in the darkened room, they saw my expression and immediately were worried.

"Bella?" Jazz only said my name and pulled me into his arms.

I wrenched myself free. There was no time.

"No! Fucking listen to me!" They exchanged a worried look, probably thinking I was deranged and had lost it.

"Alice. Mike. He was drunk. He's going to rape her." I broke down and couldn't say anymore.

* * *

**Present Time**

We'd made it in time. Mike had profusely apologized after getting told what he did to Alice- he only remember bits and pieces, he was smashed- when he sobered up but he'd only received a split lip and broken jaw in return. Nobody could doubt Edward's love and devotion to Alice.

Going over his explanation for choosing this school, I picked up on the regret and guilt also present in his tone, which I couldn't understand.

"Oh," was all I managed to stutter out in the aftermath of my epiphany.

Well, great Bella, just fucking great you moron. 'Oh' was not even a word of the proper English language. I needed to distract myself soon because I had just decided and the result hurt. It hadn't gone over my head that he had said 'they' wanted to tell you and not 'we'. It wasn't his fault he wanted me to go to another school. Of course he wouldn't want to see me anymore. I wasn't sure if I was happy or angry that we ended up at the same school. If never seeing me again made him happy. But I was selfish, I needed him. With this all in mind I wasn't going to tell him. I would lose him forever with no chance of friendship, either. He would never know that I had realised my feelings for him.

**~/~**

**Edward POV**

Well, God, I felt like shit. I'd never even considered if Bella had been hurt by Mike because we were worried where we were going to school would get out. If I was being honest, I didn't hate Bella. Not even a bit. I was hurt by her and it was my way of protection for myself. But upon realising Bella could have been hurt by Mike because of my stupidity and stubborn nature I realized we really needed to talk.

"Look Bella, I know we've had our differences but I think if we're going to be around each other for the next year it'd be a pain leaving things like this. I was hoping we could call a truce. Maybe be friends?"

What the fuck? The last part just slipped out. Be friends? I was suddenly on the edge waiting for her answer. Usually she would have said something sarcastic but things were different now. This was fate's way of bringing us back together. I was sure of it. I mean, surely with the next year together she'd want to make amends, right? I snorted at my own hopefulness and then realized she was still silently staring at me. She hadn't answered.

"Bella?" I was starting to become anxious, her eyes were glazed over and she was at a loss for words.

She composed herself and nodded her agreement.

"Obviously there's more that needs to be said and we can't go back to how we used to be instantly. Questions need answering after all these years, but it can wait until morning, when we have more time, okay?"

I sure as hell wasn't chomping at the bit to get to the inevitable conversation.

She agreed and we decided to keep the rest of the night less shocking and more lax. We got to know each other all over again by playing 20 questions. It was nice seeing Bella hadn't changed. I noticed Bella bit her lip more than usual in the past 30 minutes; it was a nervous habit, but what did she have to be nervous about?

I chuckled to myself at Bella's still dazed expression and was rolling on the ground laughing when there was a knock at the door. Bella's face was hilarious; she got up and anxiously crept towards the door. When she flung it open there was silence for a few beats. Hmph. Alice can shut her gob, who knew? Spoke too soon. Then began an ear piercing, eardrum collapsing shrieking.

I started- thinking maybe it wasn't Alice and the rest- and jumped up to see who the fuck was at the door.

**~/~**

**BPOV**

_Knock, knock._

With the jittery way I was acting, you'd think it was a Hitchcock thriller in session.

I glared at Edward who was laughing at my expense.

I walked warily to the door and slowly opened it, only to find four people outside gaping at me.

There was a beautiful girl with long blonde hair softly waving down her back watching me with curious eyes. The eyes. The second most beautiful person on the planet with the second most beautiful eyes. They were a sparkling ocean blue with hints of violet in the iris. She was tall and skinny. Not the anorexic kind, she had tone; nice and small curves. She was pale and absolutely goddess-like.

The second stranger was a tall, buff guy with dark hair and hazel coloured eyes. He was huge- not fat, but he was bloody built. He was so muscled up you'd think he was on steroids, but his muscles looked natural. Hm, no steroids and big muscles. That's a first. He immediately made me want to hide in a corner but then I saw his goofy grin and dimples. He seemed to recognize me but I'd be sure to remember him if I had met him before. I doubted he was easily forgettable.

I quickly managed to identify the mega gapers as Jalice before the pixie flew into me. She was clutching my neck with the strength you'd expect the big guy to possess, in turn cutting off my air supply.

I could feel myself going purple without oxygen when Alice began shrieking at decibels that only dogs or a special gadget could pick up. I plugged my ears with my fingers, trying to alleviate the painful echo of her shriek which bounced around in my ear drums.

Jasper seemed to see what was going on after ten deafening seconds and managed to wrench her hands off my neck and clamp her mouth shut.

He gave her a stern look and she seemed to relent to his calming nature which had her released of her restraints.

"Bella, oh my goodness what are you doing here? I mean I'm ecstatic, but how? Oh my God! Wait, is this even real?" She managed to rush out in one breath. It still amazed me, but I was used to this so it took me a second to stew over her words when I felt a sharp pinch on my cheek.

"Ow. What the hell, Al?"

"Sorry, just checking if you were really here," she apologized sheepishly.

Ugh. Typical Alice. I turned around, gesturing for them to follow my lead and come in, only to run into something. Hands shot out to catch me before I could fall and I looked into those soul-deep emerald eyes once again.

"They're civil. God, what did I miss? Oh well, there's more important things to know now." Alice muttered while bouncing past us into the room, making herself at home and tidying the furniture while walking past it.

The blonde, the bear and Jasper shuffled past me, seemingly afraid to bother me while I stood waiting for them to come in. When I went to lock the door, only then did I realize Edward had been hanging on to me all this time. Woops. So, that's what Alice was blubbering about. Edward seemed to realize when I did and smiled at me. A blush ran up my cheeks as I followed after Alice and the gang, with Edward hot on my heels.

When we arrived, Jasper seemed to be communicating with Edward behind me while I looked for a seat. Alice and Jasper had taken the couch, the blonde and the bear had the two armchairs which left the loveseat with Edward on it and me with no other option.

I played it up a bit; dragging my feet while inside I happy danced at my luck.

I sat next to Edward on the small loveseat and he smiled encouragingly at me.

I relaxed into the couch and listened to Alice make introductions and figure out why I was here.

Turns out, the bear's name was Emmett and he was Jasper and Edward's new roommate. The blonde was actually friendly and her name was Rosalie Hale. Emmett had invited her to hang out with them while they were at the pizza parlour only to find out she was Alice's dorm roommate too, as Alice had previously not known her roommate's name. Edward had missed meeting Rosalie and therefore was just as much of a stranger to her as I, because he had left their pizza gathering early. Hm, wonder why he left early?

I was brought out of my thoughts when Emmett started talking directly to me.

"Bella, aren't you and Edward supposed to hate each other?"

I didn't know how to answer and Edward jumped to my rescue. Oh, thank God. Well, Edward was a God. Geez; shut up Bella.

"Uh. We're figuring things out," he stated unsurely.

Wow. That's a first.

I was pleasantly surprised with myself when I realised I usually would have inserted a sarcastic comment after my 'Wow. That's a first.' It was interesting to see how my mind and heart adapted to treating Edward now that things were different and circumstances changed.

"Yup," I confidently stated, trying to assure him.

Conversation ran random and hilarious after that until Alice gasped sharply, immediately silencing everyone's chatter.

She turned to me expectantly and I braced myself for the worst. This was Alice after all.

"What are you even doing here?" I was highly suspicious of her innocently asked question, but had no idea where she was going with it. Wherever it led, it couldn't be good.

"Uh, what are you on about pixie?" I arched an eyebrow also for added emphasis as her question thoroughly confused me.

She sneered at my nickname before arching her brow back at me and replying while everyone waited curiously with bated breath to see where she was going with this. Gossip mongers, tut tut.

"I mean. You. Edward. Same room. And the couch was warm. And his hair is in an even wilder state of disarray then when he left pizza earlier tonight," she stated her case matter-of-factly. "Anything you two kids wanna own up to?" She interrogated with a wiggle of her eyebrows and an impish grin.

A blush burned my face like no other when I realized what she was implying and, what I think she was also hoping for. Alice had always said she wanted us to be sisters.

"No," I answered, my voice sounding oddly strangled.

Alice's embarrassing insinuation about Edward and I, only served to fuel more of my scatterbrained tendencies, inevitably leading to more laughs at my extent.

I buried my face the first place I could find and felt it moving. Shocked, I moved backwards and saw I had snuggled my face into Edward's chest to hide. My blush burned brighter now, if possible. I looked up to see Edward's face equally as shocked before he smiled and pulled me back to snuggle in his chest- but not hiding.

"Me and Swan? We're old friends now, pixie," Edward elaborated while I stayed snuggled in his chest.

He was so gentle and tender it made me want to cry. But that would speak volumes and he could never know. So instead, I snuggled deeper into him and he put his arms around me.

I nearly gasped but caught myself in time, but Alice must have seen my reaction because she gave me a knowing smile and a look which told me she had something to say.

**~/~**

After saying goodnight's to the boys, we left and Alice and Rosalie offered to help me find my dorm. We were getting looks from the boys and some girls stared at us hatefully.

I didn't understand why they were looking at me like that, but whatever.

Rose asked me what number dorm I had and when I told them both, Alice and Rose squealed, meanwhile I watched in obvious confusion.

Later in the night found me in 'our' room.

Turns out the school had lumped me and Alice together, because we were the only girls from our high school and they thought a sense of familiarity would be nice. Rosalie was there with us because we needed to make new friends, too.

Well, that was our explanation of our good fortune.

As soon as we sat down, they bombarded me about Edward, and I deflected just like a smart person would obviously act.

I merely laughed off their assumptions and finally allowed myself to think. Here I lay in bed, crying myself to sleep because I knew he couldn't ever love me and in turn my heart would be broken further, while I wanted to tell him why would I have my heart smashed into a million pieces-unrepairable- and lose my friend in the process of obtaining a confirmation of what I already knew. I certainly didn't blame him for not loving me; he was far too good for me in every way and I knew that. He was intelligent, beautiful, musical, funny, sweet, brave, and selfless. He was good to the core. Knowing all that, though didn't stop me from wishing for the impossible, though.

People say that when your heart broken it's only a state of mind and not a feeling, but it was certainly a feeling. And not just loss and incompleteness, my heart actually hurt- it ached. A gaping hole in my chest that would never be able to receive the only cure. _Edward._

Because while I didn't regret loving Edward, I was heartbroken at the fact that he would never want me in _that_ way. He would never want me the way I wanted him.


	5. Still No Word

**A/N: Standard disclaimer applies.**

I strongly advise you to listen to this chapter's song rec. It gives some incredible insight into how Bella's feeling and her current thought processes.

And that aside, its one of the best songs ever! The song belongs to its rightful owners. Not me.  
**  
Song rec:** I Still by the Backstreet Boys

* * *

**Bella POV**

"Bell-laaaaaa. I need you. Please," Edward called.

_If only he needed me differently._

I made my way from their dorm's kitchen to Edward's bedroom. I didn't even know how he knew it was me. I just got out of class, came over like usual and was heading to his tap for some water.

Maybe he felt my presence like I did with his. _Yeah right. I wish._

It was Friday and it had now been a week since our fateful arrival and classes had started.

Alice, Rose and I were constantly hit on by the boys here. We were together pretty much whenever I wasn't with Edward. Almost immediately after meeting, we had all grown very close. And not just us girls.

Our whole group had formed quite nicely. Jasper and I were of course still close, but now there was Emmett too. The oaf teased me a lot, but I put up with him because the bear was like my long lost big brother. Em and Rose had almost immediately fallen into dating and made no secret of their affection for each other. It was no shock when he had told us how "bangin' Rose was in the bedroom." Yuck. As you can imagine, we were all scandalised, while we cringed and ew'd.

Edward and I had fallen seamlessly into being best friends and found we both hadn't changed much over all those years. If anything, the time apart had only made us stronger.

We spent the majority of our spare time together naturally, as we were the resident third wheels in our group. I'd mastered covering up my feelings for him around everyone - though I was sure the Alice had her suspicions. The little pixie had always had a knack for knowing what would happen ahead of time and she was rarely wrong. That didn't mean to say that I wasn't still adamant and set on no one ever knowing, because I was.

Shaking myself from my thoughts, I pushed open his bedroom door to see him lying on his bed, head propped up against the headboard, eyes sparkling at me and a hand patting the space next to him. He had been waiting for me.

My breath caught in my throat before I snapped out of it and resolved to never telling him a thing.

Just friends.

I'd have to content myself with the aforementioned title that was internationally hated by people in my shoes. But that wasn't to say that everyone were in the same exact shoes as me.

I'd just gotten Edward back. I wasn't going to lose him again.

**~/~**

**Edward POV**

It was Friday and we had made it through the whole first week. Our curfew was okay. School nights were 10.30 PM and 1.00 AM on Friday's and Saturday's. Today was a late curfew day and Alice roped us all in to taking full advantage of that. She claimed we needed to celebrate our surviving school's first week.

We were headed to a karaoke club/bar called Venom in Port Angeles, which was only a short drive from here.

We were almost there now. Emmett was just parking his Jeep, with us all crammed inside, a block away from the club now.

Bella looked even more stunning then usual tonight. She was wearing a white dress Alice tossed at her, which stopped mid thigh and clung to her body like a second skin.

We all hopped out of the car and the respective couples walked on without us, leaving Bella and I to ourselves.

I'd had the talk I wanted to with her already and so I grabbed her hand, normal behaviour for us now, so we could stroll together to the club after the others.

* * *

_**Flashback**_

It was the day after finding Bella again; after thinking that I'd ever seen her again. She had come here to meet me so we could talk about our friendship and answer any questions the other had. Jalice, Rose and Emmett had left for lunch before and I'd made sandwiches for us both while we talked.

We were all set for the conversation that could change everything.

I was feeling skittish about the looming conversation and couldn't eat and it seemed that Bella felt the same way.

Looking down at my fiddling hands, I just dove right into it.

"Look Bella. Obviously things aren't the same and I don't expect it to be right now. We've spent time apart and we just need to get to know each other again. If I'm being honest, I think for the past three years I've always been a little unhappy and that came back to you. Even during the time I so-called 'hated you', I cared for you. I missed my best friend. I missed you. I love you. I mean you were everything, Bella."

I chanced a glance at her face once I was done with my spiel and was shocked at what I found there.

Bella was sat quietly, attentively listening as tears streamed slowly down her face.

I stopped my fidgeting hands and reached over to brush away the latest river of salty water streaking heartbreakingly down her pale cheeks, before I attempted to talk again.

"Bella, love. Are you alright? What's wrong?" I whispered, in as soothing a voice I could manage.

"I'm sorry. Just listening to what you said... I just missed you so much. All that time wasted. It's just getting to me, I guess," Bella stuttered through her sobs.

Geez. Only Bella would apologize for getting emotional. There was no point arguing with the epitome of stubborn, so I continued my explanation of how we fell apart. Or at least my part in it.

"The very first time Alice called you in Phoenix, after that first missed holiday, I'd decided beforehand that I would talk to you after you guys were done," I paused to grin at her half heartedly. "You know how impatient Alice is. She had to talk to you first. It was probably better that way anyway, I reasoned. I'd have more time to figure out what to say to help make your situation better. We were just kids and I didn't know how I could possibly help. Your world was falling apart around you and I couldn't even give you a hug. So words would have to do. And so I waited anxiously for Alice to pass me the phone, telling me you wanted to speak with me, but she didn't. I couldn't understand why you hadn't asked for me. I was hurt. I thought you didn't care about me or that you'd forgotten that I was once an important part of your life, so I wasn't going to talk to you. It sounds absurd now but we were way younger then and it seemed logical at the time. As you know, it just escalated from that point onwards and the rest as they say is history."

Bella sat for a few minutes, absorbing my words and reasoning and hopefully receiving some closure and peace from them.

And then she began to talk.

"My reason is dumber looking back on it, especially now that I know the other half of the story. I was basically the same as you. Well, sort of. I thought because you hadn't asked to talk to me or called me directly earlier on that you didn't care either. Now I realise, you were just giving me some space and time for myself. Oh and I'm sure my whole being stubborn as a mule didn't help either," she chuckled self-deprecatingly for a second before continuing. "You have to know though Edward that though a hug would have been nice, your words would have been more than enough. Just hearing your voice would have made me feel better."

She had the most obvious reason for our little feud's beginning and I had instead looked for a complex and elaborate deal. But there was still one thing that didn't make sense.

"There's still one thing though that just doesn't make sense. Like those explanations, yeah. But weren't you excited to see me after three years? And didn't you wanna just have things go back to normal, sorted out? Because technically we were never fighting. We never told each other anything to that degree or declared war or anything like that. We just didn't speak. At all."

Releasing her lip from the anxious hold she had on it, she answered my query.

"Yeah, I was so nervous to see you again. But, I was so thrilled. I'd missed you so much. I didn't even care anymore about the years of silence. I just missed you and I wanted things back to how they were before everything else. I couldn't even sleep the night before I was so anxious and excited to see you again. And then when you came up to me in the hall you stood right there, said nothing after three years and then waltzed on your merry way. Was I some joke or something?" She spoke passionately and fiery.

I had to be careful now. Bella was getting riled up.

"Bella, I've never cared for anyone or anything more. You were certainly not a joke," I said, heavy with conviction.

She flinched at the underlying harshness my voice held. But truly, how could she ever doubt her importance? Calming my momentary annoyance at her lack of awareness I ploughed ahead.

"I smiled," I whispered sadly.

"Three years and you smile. Great. Thanks so much."

Thanks for the sarcastic tone there Bella.

"Hey, don't act all innocent, you didn't say anything either," I accused.

I was starting to get angry. She was being a complete hypocrite.

"You walked up to me!" She yelled.

"Look, that's beside the point. What matters is why we didn't say anything. Care to share?"

Bella blushed at my question. Why that question would make her blush, I couldn't comprehend. Distracted by the elegant slope of her neck as she swallowed heavily, I realised that she'd only blush if her answer was embarrassing. Returning my attention to her eyes, I inclined my head slightly to prompt her to elaborate.

"I was looking at you. Taking in all the changes. Puberty and stuff. You?"

Huh. That was it. I was disappointed that it wasn't a more revealing reason. Ugh, what did I want her to say?

"I don't know. Three years builds up the moment and it should have been some truly memorable, heartfelt words and I couldn't think. I didn't want to tarnish our first exchange after all this time with something stupid like 'hey'. Our friendship was so much worthier than a 'hey'. I was at a loss for words anyway. How do you tell someone how special they are and how stupid you've been and how angry you are at them for not contacting you either after three years apart? I was selfish but I hated your parents for splitting up 'cause it ruined us. I hated myself for being an idiot. I hated you the most for all the pain your absence in my life caused. We'd grown up together and you didn't even care enough. I hated myself for caring that you were coming back. How could I be excited after you just left and moved on from me? You didn't care enough to write me or call me. Too much time had passed and yet not long enough. I wanted to stay in that moment forever; seeing you again but I wanted to rewind to a time when things were simpler and I wanted to fast forward to a life without you. So many conflicting emotions and I resented you for having that control over me. How do you even begin to put that into words?"

She sat for another minute stewing over what I'd said.

"Sorry. I'd assumed it was a joke to come up to me or something. I was angry and humiliated and I felt rejected- though with this new light I hadn't needed too. I felt fooled too because I had regretted not talking those years and thought that you'd felt the same but when you left I figured you hadn't a single regret about it all and just didn't care."

God. I guess I could see where she was coming from now. I probably would have thought the same as her had I been in her position.

Bella seemed emotionally exhausted from our conversation and her eyes were drooping as she looked in her lap. But there was one more thing I needed to know.

I put my index finger under her chin and lifted it to be met with startled eyes before she composed herself.

"One more thing."

"Hmm?" She replied in still a daze. What the hell was that about?

"I'd say it's safe to assume that now that the facts are known I'm not a 'jerk-ish, pompous pig who had better things to do than be your friend and keep in contact with you' anymore? Or maybe I never was?"

"No, you never were although I thought you were at the time. Sorry about that. False pretenses and that junk," she offered, smiling sheepishly and blushing further.

I smiled in return and picked up my soda when she seemed to realise something.

"Wait. You remembered all that? Of what I said, by heart?"

I could only smile at her sadly, put the drink down and laid down on the carpet.

By heart indeed. How could I forget?

* * *

**Bella POV**_**: **_**Present time**

"Uhhh," I murmured staring into the mirror, "wow?"

God. Alice and Rosalie could start a makeover business. The two most gorgeous women, a duo team of stylists taking over the world. God knows only how well their faces would advertise for their genius. I'd expected to look like a trashy whore with all the gunk she put on my face and the hours I spent getting plucked, curled, waxed, manicured, pedicured, made up, exfoliated and dressed but deep down I knew she had an acquired taste.

But this? Just wow.

I stared back into the mirror, waiting for my mind's trick to disappear but I'd been doing that for 5 minutes and it still hadn't happened.

"Bella!" Rosalie snapped her patience finally ending.

My eyes shot up from shiny, hair free legs to her eyes reflected into the mirror.

"Hm?"

"Trust me. It's really you. I'll even prove it!" She sneered at me. Anger problems much. Bitch.

"Stop your damn- oww," I ended with a yelp as Rosalie, the bitch, pinched me. She fucking pinched me. And hard. Whore.

"What the fuck Rose?" I ground out between clenched teeth.

"Just showing you you're real." She replied disinterestedly, examining her nails.

I huffed and turned back to the mirror.

A beautiful girl stared back at me amazed and unblinkingly.

Wow. It was really me. I would still pale in comparison to Alice or Rosalie on their worst of days but this for me was the best I'd ever looked.

My waist-length hair had been curled in loose waves using various products, a curling tong and Rosalie's fingers to achieve the look- beach hair. Hot beach hair. Alice had given me a very natural look which I appreciated. She coated my eyelashes in black thickening mascara, outlined my bottom lids with a dark brown eye liner which made my usually dull eyes seemingly sparkle and pop. I had a clear lip glaze and that was all.

I didn't need foundation because apparently 'you have great creamy skin' and I hadn't needed blush because it was unnecessary. My body produced more than enough for me and to then go around too.

I turned to see Rose now filing her nails and Alice staring at me with a smug expression.

"I.. uh.. thanks? I look pretty?" I said apprehensively, testing the words out.

"Bella you've always been beautiful," I scoffed before Alice glared at me and continued, "You're stunning now."

"Yeah, yeah. Now get out of the way so we can get ready." Rose demanded before shoving me out of the way and storming into the bathroom with a grey dress in hand. Pushy bitch.

I went to sit on Alice's bed in her bedroom while Rose got changed in Alice's completely oversized, salon looking bathroom.

I sat, thinking about my new friend. Rose seemed really superficial because she was gorgeous but she wasn't really like that. She loved clothes and makeup but wasn't vain. She'd spend hours on end with Alice playing dress up and getting ready but mainly because they had so much fun and enjoyed the end products.

I'd learnt that Rosalie was not one to beat around the bush and was a heaping of judgemental. She was fun and rude but really a sweet girl who couldn't talk about feelings.

I guess some people just find it awkward. Oh well, Alice was there for the whole deep and meaningful conversations. In a way, Rosalie's opinion was better as she was blunt and wasn't going to lie to make you feel better or sugar-coat it. She'd analyse the facts and do with it what she will.

I sneered at the tramp eyeing him up to have her shrink away from me and avert her eyes. That's right bitch. He's m-

Suddenly the Dj's voice came over the speakers.

"Alright guys, we want a few newbie's up here tonight. They've seen how we do it here at Venom now let's get some of this fresh meat up here. Who wants to volunteer?"

"Edward does." Alice's voice screamed.

"Uh," he politely shouted to the Dj, "no, no. I'm good. Maybe later, after I've had a drink or two or-"

He was interrupted when Emmett and Jasper started chanting his name, the rest of the bar catching on quickly.

"Edward! Edward! Edward! Edward! Edward!"

Too kind to disappoint people Edward reluctantly pushed through the crowd of now applauding, screaming audience. It didn't escape my notice that most of his fans seemed to be of the female persuasion. Men looked on enviously, obviously noting Edward caught the attention of every female and some males in this place. Edward wasn't fazed in the slightest. Well, I suppose he must be used to the attention by now. He didn't show he was aware in the smallest way though.

When he reached the Dj on stage, he flipped through files of tracks on the laptop connected to the huge sound system. I found myself anticipating to hear Edward's voice. No doubt it would be perfect.

The Dj clicked the track and an acoustic version of 'I Still' by the 'Backstreet Boys' filled the now silent air. While most would think they were a stupid boy band I knew better. They may have been a pop boy band years ago but with the album Incomplete saw that they changed their sound. The songs from then on were so heartbreaking and meaningful. Ironically enough they were all lost love type of songs.

Well, I guess it made sense. This bar was known for love songs. Some angsty, some happy, some depressing and some romantic.

Edward smiled at us from the stool he was sitting on and had I stared at his godly face for one more nanosecond I would no doubt break. So, instead I traipsed after Alice who was leading us to a booth. Two steps further and I stopped in my tracks.

A smooth voice crooned out of the microphone and I bewilderedly looked to see Edward starting the song. The booth long forgotten I awed at his amazing voice, frozen. It was very manly. But a good type of manly. So husky, sexy and sultry. Edward Cullen could do no wrong.

"_Who are you now? Are you still the same or did you change somehow? What do we do; at this very moment when I think of you? And when I'm looking back, how we were young and stupid. Do you remember that?"_

I noticed that he seemed very at home up on stage. He really loved the music and singing.

During our many conversations in the week of our reconciliation I learnt that he still played piano and guitar. And now, apparently he could sing.

He certainly had convinced any Backstreet Boy hater that he d it better by infinity. He put Nick, A.J. and the rest to shame.

And how true his next lyrics were for me, he'd never know.

"_No matter how I fight it, can't deny it, just can't let you go. I still need you. I still care about you. The way everything's been said and done. I still feel you, like I'm right beside you. But still no word from you."_


	6. Sunset Riders

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Twilight. SM does. Yada, yada, yada.

**A/N:** New chapter, obviously. Read and review. Enjoy.

* * *

**Edward POV**

Festering on my mind. Creeping up at any opportunity. Something I'd almost buried. But like our friendship had risen from the ashes like a phoenix it was unavoidable.

It is said people often subconsciously bury or forget their most painful memories from the past.

It's not a myth.

Edward and Bella. Bella and Edward.

It worked. Like it always had. But, there were always 'buts'.

Externally everything between us was fine, but, since I'd sung that song a few hours earlier, the lyrics had hit far too close to home for comfort and I was forced to remember something.

I lied.

During our 'tell all' the other day I hadn't been completely honest.

There was one more reason why I'd been upset with the ending of our friendship.

Two hands appeared in front of my face clapping and effectively breaking me out of my trance. And almost sending me into cardiac arrest. I followed the hands which connected to arms to a pixie face.

"Cut it out, Tink. What do you want?" I asked, startled.

"We're playing 'I Never' but I forgot some of the rules. Help? Please." She tacked on with 'the pout'.

Yes, the pout was a signature now. Sad, huh?

I looked around. We were back at our dorm and sitting on the floor in a poor attempt at a circle.

"Alright. It's like normal 'I Never' pretty much but seeing as we have no alcohol and aren't all that crazy for it we'll play with ten fingers."

Two minutes later and we were all set. I don't think any of us really wanted to play, we just didn't want to go to bed yet and Alice is like Hitler the Second.

Going around the circle, clockwise, was me, Bella, Rose, Emmett, Jazz and Alice.

"I'm going first," Alice asked, while bouncing up and down.

After our sounds of approval she started in.

"I've never done it doggy style," she smirked.

Her and Jazz were safe. She must've thought Em, Rose, Bella or I had. I hadn't.

I looked curiously around the circle watching for who would put one finger down.

Rosalie and Em did. I wasn't surprised to see Bella with 10 fingers still.

"Wait. This is taking too long. Let's just play Truth or Dare without the dare. And make sure your question is detailed as once answered, no one can ask for you to elaborate even if in a question. Got it?"

"Yes sir, Alice Hitler, sir," Emmett bellowed and saluted.

It earned him a smack on the head from Rose and laughs from all except Alice.

"We should just randomly say shit to get to know each other. No turns. But if you hadn't said anything in a while you have to ask or answer depending on which your lacking. The question can also be asked to however many people. Better yet why don't we all just have, like, a free, honest atmosphere when any questions can be asked." Bella added.

Always the sensible.

"Gotcha Belly," Emmett winked.

Emmett had taken to giving us all nicknames.

"Good to hear, Ogre," Bella muttered under her breath.

I chuckled lowly and a crimson shade heated her cheeks right on cue. Obviously she hadn't meant for anyone to hear.

I had my arms around her small, petite form- as she was sitting on my lap- to hold her still. I pressed my mouth to her ear softly for a more private hearing range.

"Learn to whisper," I told her teasingly.

She was about to reply when Alice interrupted. I buried my face back in her hair while we waited for the next question.

"Have you ever been in love?"

All fingers went down and so did my hope.

Bella had been in love before.

**~/~**

**Bella POV**

Rosalie's finger went down. Emmett's finger went down. Jasper's finger went down. Alice's finger went down. My finger went down. Edward's finger went down.

Wait! Hold up. Edward had been in love before? Oh God, what if he was still in love with someone now? Even if he didn't he had loved someone before and everyone knows a heart can only belong to one person.

I was ideal and that's what it meant. You could love family, love friends and love pets but you could only be in love with one person. And that love would last forever because it was with your soulmate. You can't be in love with someone who isn't. It's impossible. Being in love means giving your heart, body, soul and mind over involuntarily and that only happens with your better half. I, for one, could admit that I had never had the slightest inkling of a romantic feeling or attraction to anyone other than Edward. Like I said, impossible.

That's what I believed and what Edward had always believed too.

I couldn't even contemplate it further because a knock at the door sounded.

I jumped out of his lap like it was on fire and sat on the couch instead.

Everybody looked at me for a beat like I was crazy before I nodded towards the excited pounding on the door.

Edward hopped up to answer the door and when he finally flung it open, he froze like a statue.

I had seen a video of my already pale self fainting at a family barbecue but Edward turned whiter than a sheet in less than a second.

There was a beautiful, tall and statuesque strawberry blonde in the doorway with sparkling blue eyes and then she was gone. Into Edward's arms.

It was obvious they knew each other.

He was looking like he'd seen a ghost but hugged her back enthusiastically but cautiously at the same time.

At this point I felt like I was submerged underwater and couldn't concentrate or see or hear clearly enough and just floated along. I watched what was going on around me like watching a movie on TV.

"Edward! I missed you so much," the beautiful girl squealed before gripping his neck tighter.

Edward looked shocked for a second before he began to whisper words to her and rubbed her back comfortingly. He was so... tender.

His reaction both made me jealous and effectively scared the shit out of me. What had she been to him?

While I tried to figure out the dynamics of their relationship, I zoned out leaving everything around me to fast forward without my consent but I somehow managed to pick up on a few details about the scene in front of me; Edward sitting down next to me, the girl sitting on the other couch, Alice eyeing the girl cautiously while she caught up with Edward and Jasper and became acquainted with Rose and Em. The girl seemed nice and she said hello to everyone and I recall vaguely waving at her but I can't be sure as everything seems blurry.

Alice must have made up an excuse for why I wasn't participating in conversation and seemed so out of it but I don't remember. It was confusing to be feeling on the periphery.

I only looked up when weight left the couch I was sitting on, only to see Edward walking away from me. With her.

'No', I wanted to cry out. 'Stay. With me.' But it seemed that I was still underwater.

I had a creeping sense of dread even before Edward walked out of the room to talk in private with her. This mysterious girl seemed to have been important once upon a time in Edward's life and had maybe hurt him. Anyone who could evoke such an unnatural reaction from cool, calm and collected Edward had to be bad news. Love and jealousy aside, I cared for Edward as a friend as well and I worried for him.

I watched each step Edward took to the door before it clicked shut. As soon as it did, I broke the surface.

All movement, thoughts and emotions hit me at once and now, above the water, I turned my body on the couch, ready to hear Alice's explanation but hoping someone else would ask because surely I wouldn't be able to find my voice. I found all heads had snapped towards Alice too. I guess we all instinctually picked up on Edward and Alice's emotions and knew this beautiful girl was pivotal.

"Alice? What was that all about?" Rose demanded.

Alice shook her head, still staring after the door- worrying for her brother I realised- before starting to shake her head.

My heart started to ache for Edward because I knew whatever came next couldn't be good.

It took me a second to realise Alice wasn't answering before I really begun to panic.

But I couldn't worry about Alice right now. I could think of only Edward.

He was my best friend. He always had been. He was also the love of my life. Even if he didn't know it.

As I looked around me, Emmett and Rosalie still looked out of the loop which said that they didn't seem to know the girl. But Alice and Jasper knew her. And though I only saw them once a year back then, I'm sure either Alice or Edward would have told me if something so vital went down so my only guess was that this girl had to have happened during the divorce, when I didn't seem the Cullen's for a few years.

"That was Tanya Denali," Alice stated- like it should mean something more to us than just a name.

"She used to go to school with us and her parents are close with Carlisle and Esme. Everything went down during the time Bella wasn't around. Their family left town for New York around the same time you returned Bella, but it seems the Denali's have moved back to Washington."

"Oh. Only Edward," Rose giggled.

"'Only Edward' what? I'm sorry. Am I missing something here, cos' I just don't get it," Emmett asked sheepishly.

"Silly, isn't it obvious? Tanya's asking to talk to Edward and it's got to be awkward cause they used to be a thing. It ended badly and then we're here now and now decides throw her back into Edward's life," Rosalie continued.

I froze, but managed to look to Alice for a rejection but she instead gave a swift nod in agreeance.

While, Jasper and Alice talked softly and Rosalie and Emmett chatted casually, unbeknownst to them my world slowed down and was coming to pieces because everything just clicked together.

A part of my brain just realized what I had always known. Alice's nod changed my life because it confirmed what I always knew and what I had suspected about Tanya.

I wasn't good enough for Edward. With Edward having been with a girl like Tanya, it was all over.

Edward and Tanya had history.

There was no chance and no hope left.

Edward would never love me.

The man I was in love with would never love me like that.

He would never be mine.

I would never want anything or anyone but him. I knew that. He was everything to and for me. I'd always strongly believed he would never love me but against my own wishes I had begun to hope. Hope that against all odds he would feel the same.

But this wasn't a fairytale or one of my books or a movie and there wasn't always a happy ending.

And there wasn't my prince waiting for me in this to ride off into the sunset with.

No matter how much I wished Edward was there waiting for me.


	7. Finding Home

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Twilight. SM does. Yada, yada, yada. The usual horse shit.

**A/N:** New chapter, obviously. This is a short, filler chapter but necessary for plot and what-not later, so deal. I hope you enjoy the update.

-Also, something very important for the 'old' readers; I have went back and changed a small detail in the first chapter of the story and that means Edward now is still a virgin. I apologize for the confusion but its what I wanted to do from the start but to carve a sort of player-ish rep for Ed I used that but it's not necessary and it's been making me very unhappy since. Sorry about that.

-Be sure to review and let me know what you think. My target is over 50, that's only 16 away! I've got far more than 16 readers so all you guys just take a minute out to review. I'm shameless but read and review! :)

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**BellaPOV**

I woke up from a fitful sleep, if you could call it that, feeling dead inside at 5am and with sore eyes to boot. The swelling from the crying had reduced during my beauty sleep by mountains, thank God.

I got up, took a speedy shower, did my morning routine and threw on some shorts and a tank before taking off to Edward's room.

Call me masochistic but I needed to see him and find out what was going on.

I was also aware that it wasn't even six yet but I _needed_ to see him. Undeniable need.

There was an invisible force towing me towards where I knew he was. I could feel it.

I still felt empty but I couldn't explain it, there was a little, baby something that couldn't help but flutter and hope. After my several epiphanies last night I needed to see it or feel it from him that I had no hope. Maybe it was that idealistic side of me who still believed in fairytales and true love despite my efforts to stop that. But hoping wasn't my choice especially with my soulmate Edward Cullen hanging around. And I had remembered our first meeting last night in a dream and just knew what I thought then was still true- forever and always. We'd find a way.

I quietly opened their door with the spare key Edward had given me and proceeded to tiptoe into to Edward's room, meanwhile nearly dying after almost tripping over random bits of rubbish and dirty washing lying around. Boys. Well, Emmett.

I made it to Edward's door without any major catastrophes but with a thumping heart trying to break free of my chest. I stood in front of the door and prepared myself for whatever could be on the other side. I turned the handle and gently pushed the door open whilst holding my breath.

What I saw there made it come rushing out all at once.

Edward looked so innocent. Sleeping peacefully; he was so, so beautiful. Even more angelic than usual. He looked like the little boy that had been my best friend who cleaned up my scraped, bloody knee all those years ago. Le sigh. Even then at that moment I had thought to myself 'it's him- he's the one I wanna marry.' And we did one Summer when we were six. Snapping myself out of memories past I looked back at him.

He was so adorable. I wanted to squeal, for god sakes. Truly, he was so perfect- even in sleep. He was snoring softly and breathing these cute little breaths and I couldn't help but let the door close and rush over to his side to pat his hair gently while he breathed softly in his dreaming state.

There was some part of me that knew if he woke up I'd be in a load of shit but what were the chances. Besides how many chances would I have of seeing him so uncontained like this. I knew I was being a creepy stalker and one step away from becoming like that freak off Charlie's Angels that collected Drew Barrymore's hair but I couldn't help it. He was irresistible. I gave in to the pull.

There was some part of me, even when I was too young to know much that always knew I was in love with him. Call it fate, destiny or kismet. It was true.

I'd always believed that even as a baby you had coherent thought processes due to learning the language for nine months while in the womb. I was no exception and I had one crystal clear memory as proof.

At so young an age, straight after I was born was when I first met him.

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Flashback to Bella's birth

I hadn't slept yet. I couldn't. I wasn't ready to venture into the unknown. Not without him. I waited. I just knew I had to wait. I couldn't go without myself or him so I had to wait.

There was crying. Lots of crying. It sounded like impatient crying. But it wasn't coming from me. I was currently placed in a plastic cradle with blankets. Maybe they put all the new babies here.

Suddenly the crying stopped so I turned around to find that Mom and a woman they called Esme placing a beautiful, boy baby into my cradle with me. At last.

I couldn't help but stare at him with wide, unblinking eyes. He wasn't a newborn like me. A few months older maybe.

I knew who he was immediately. Edward. Renee had cooed over him while I was still in her tummy. They said he was very beautiful. They weren't wrong.

Renee and Esme placed Edward next to me, we were lying in the cradle together and I had my hand lying palm upwards between us.

I struggled to reach my other pudgy hand to touch his rosy cheeks. When I did, I felt a hot spark zap from his skin to mine, running throughout my body. His eyes snapped open and I was looking at the most beautiful, alert, deep emerald green eyes, staring right back at me.

In that moment, like an unspoken message, we agreed that we were meant for each other.

At that moment I felt like my other half was there and as he shifted his hand into mine, I grasped it and we both blinked sleepily- lovingly- at each other before we closed our eyes, ignoring the excited squeals of delight from Renee and Esme, and drifted to sleep. Together- as we would be for eternity.

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Edward Anthony Masen Cullen was at a crossroads in his life. For his future.

Prospective partners and his career choice were involved.

Edward was a beautiful, driven young man. He had a brilliant mind, an apt for medicine and the sciences and was a piano prodigy. He was witty, charismatic, charming, sporty, funny and kind. He was the perfect man.

He would walk into a room and all eyes would be trained on him- even the males. Girls wanted him and the boys wanted to be him. In corridors, as he walked, people would part like the Red Sea. Girls' hearts would race, their palms would sweat and the lungs fail to pump oxygen when in his proximity. When he smiled you smiled. He couldn't even be classified as a double or triple threat, he was an 'infinite threat'. The term was created just for him. He had a face that would make angels sing and deities weep. He was the most beautiful person to ever walk the face of the Earth or any other planet or body in the universe and he was so adorably unaware of his affect on people. He was magnetic.

But he was also not blind.

He was not unaware that his best friend, one Isabella Marie Swan, was a beautiful girl. Nor did he ignore that, one Tanya Elisabeth Denali, was a pretty woman.

He knew that he had long, complicated histories with both of the aforementioned women.

He knew plenty of things and was very aware of his surroundings as well as always having an ESP-like read on people, but there were things he didn't know either. Dirty little things like old secrets and buried feelings.

Unbeknownst to him, at that moment, one innocent Isabella was dreaming of them together, in love, and sleep talking his name and proclaiming herself. Isabella pined for him. Neither did he realise that, one Tanya, lie awake wondering how to ever explain. Tanya plotted her game plan for him.

He didn't know that both had old secrets and buried feelings.

And what would soon become of explosive material; the most problematic of all the unknowns- he had absolutely no idea what the two stunning women felt for him and definitely no idea how much one of the women wanted him or how they would fight for him.

_Now somebody grab a shovel because that hatchet with the old secrets and buried feelings will be getting dug up._

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**EdwardPOV**

_So warm. Like burning._

"_Edward, you can't do this!" A hysterical Tanya shrieked at me but I couldn't concentrate._

_Mm. So warm. I had to leave her... It was too warm..._

I stirred from my sleep and awoke from the memory due to the intense warmth on my side.

It took blinking for a few moments before I could open my eyes.

I freaked when I realized it was a body next to me and turned my head to see Bella snuggled into my side. Our legs were tangled and she had a possessive arm laid across my chest.

I hesitantly reached up a shaking hand to brush some hair out of her eyes before I ended up finger combing her hair.

She was so beautiful and angelic when asleep. I couldn't remember how we'd ended up here though. She must have snuck in and fell asleep while I was.

That was okay. My Bella.

I was about to close my eyes when I heard her sigh my name. I worried thinking I must have said my last words aloud and woken her but before I could work myself into too much of a tizzy I looked down and realised she was sleep talking.

I relaxed, pulled her closer and tangling us further, snuggled deeper, burrowing under the thick duvet, despite the intense heat.

Anything else could wait til later. This was all that mattered now.

Us. Here. Together.

I closed my eyes, with my head in her hair, drifting back off to sleep to be with Bella.

So for now everything was okay. We were home.

We were in each others' arms. She was in mine- the only place she belonged. The only place she'd ever belonged and would ever belong.

She was home.

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**A/N: **Leave me some love, please guys.

_-Note: The middle section is like the narrator or voiceover's POV. If I don't label the Pov's that's probably what it is, so keep that in mind for the future._


	8. Time Kills

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Twilight. Blah blah blah. Plagiarism or redistribution of my story that isn't authorized beforehand will land you in hot water, and if you do I reserve the right to kick your arse. The usual stuff, etc. Respectively in this chapter the song by Lifehouse belongs to it's rightful owners as the quote belongs to its rightful owners as well.**  
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**A/N:** _These author notes are long but important. If you're super lazy then just read the bottom one as it is vital, which you should read and respond to. If you don't, don't say I didn't warn you._

_Thanks to all the readers & reviewers. I look forward to the new ones. To the people that have reviewed keep it up. I love it! Thanks go to the favourites and alerts. But, thanks especially to the reviewers as what you inspire and the motivation your words give are priceless. And to the people that don't, hit that button and make my day._

_To **SapphirexLovely**, whose newfound friendship/readership, I guess you could say is appreciated. You actually have her to thank for this chapter. And Sapphire, you don't yet know this but upon reading your review tonight (or I guess last night, it's past 1am here now) your genuinely kind words, critique and encouragement were the reason I went back and finished this chapter which had been started and left as I was in a serious rut._

_The next few chapters are going to be really hard for me to write and I no doubt will have serious writer's block throughout but will try my best to get it out to you. With my current readers, reviewers, friends and hopefully new readers and reviewers, inspiration hopefully won't be far away. But if it takes a while, be patient with me, please. RL sucks._

_Any questions, comments, enquiries etc. can be reviewed or PM'd to me._

_And last but not least, especially now because the story is on its final stretch, REVIEW. Your words of encouragement and critique are like receiving a present. I read and respond to each one. So, make sure to let me know your thoughts and as a result, make me grin like the Cheshire cat._

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**CHAPTER 8: TIME MAKES AND BREAKS/TIME KILLS**

_What day is it? And in what month?_  
_ This clock never seemed so alive_  
_ I can't keep up and I can't back down_  
_ I've been losing so much time_

_ Cause it's you and me and all of the people_  
_ With nothing to do, nothing to lose_  
_ And it's you and me and all of the people_  
_ And I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you_

_ All of the things that I want to say_  
_ Just aren't coming out right_  
_ I'm tripping on words, you got my head spinning_  
_ I don't know where to go from here_

_ **-You and Me by Lifehouse**_

_**~/~  
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**BellaPOV**

"They. Are. So. Cute!"

"I know right, when will they just wake up and see? Literally and figuratively."

I stirred from my comfy sleep when restrained laughing, squealing and a shutter opening and closing seeped into my consciousness. That wasn't normal. Maybe Alice had decided to give me a makeover while I was asleep. God knows it wouldn't be the first time.

I slowly opened my eyes, only to snap them shut quickly, because of a blinding light flashing in front of my eyes.

After a few seconds of silence, I opened my eyes again cautiously, only to find the gang minus Edward all standing in the bedroom and whispering, though not very effectively.

They were hovering around me and I noticed the evil pixie with her digital camera in hand.

Before I could question what she was doing with the item, I was distracted by my moving pillow... it appeared to be chuckling. Pillows don't laugh.

Panicked, I twisted my face around to come face to chin with something that looked remarkably human.

I'd know that jaw anywhere.

Mortifyingly embarrassed, I lifted my head to find Edward's sparkling emeralds staring back down at me with mirth dancing in them. As soon as I saw his angelic face it all came rushing back to me.

_I had given into the overwhelming temptation and snuggled under the doona and into Edward's side, burrowing in his warmth and smell, promising myself that I'd only lay there for a minute or too._

I must have fallen asleep with him, without him knowing. God, how embarrassing. What must Edward think of me?

He probably thought I was some creepy stalker.

With a creeping sense of dread and burning cheeks I chanced a glance up at his beatific face only to now be blinded by his wide smile, just for me. Relaxing after realising he wasn't going to kick me out of his bed I burrowed my face into his neck, sneakily inhaling his delicious scent while there and forgetting everything else in the world.

The moment was broken when I head Emmett erupt into loud, boisterous laughter. Immediately, I remembered that we weren't alone and turned back around to tell him to go away when I noticed for the first time that me and Edward were deliciously tangled together. All our limbs entwined like my heart and soul was with him.

My face was on fire as Edward grumbled to Emmett to 'shut his trap' and he sat up leaning against his headboard and pulling me up with him so that I was cocooned by his arms and trapped with his legs around mine. He buried his nose in my hair and peppered my hair with kisses that made me tingle. Feeling completely safe and content but remembering we weren't alone I groaned, looking up.

Now facing the knowing grins on our friends' faces, I shot a glare at Alice first.

"What on earth are you doing with a camera at this time of day?"

"Hmmm, just taking photos of the scenery for my scrapbook." Alice answered innocently and in a way that I did not trust, at all.

Ignoring my suspicions, I asked again, "Alice. What scenery? Tell me now. Or I'll burn your bloody Gucci."

Panicked, Alice lifted her hands in surrender before blurting her words out in a rush, "Alright, alright. No death threats. I'll cooperate. Well, we came in here to see Edward this morning and imagine our surprise when we walked in on you two, all tangled up like a pretzel and cute and looking post coital. I couldn't resist taking a few snaps."

I hadn't thought I could be any more embarrassed but the fairy just loved to prove me wrong. My cheeks' colour deepened about seven shades to something I would akin to crimson coloured. Thank God for Edward interjecting.

"Post coital? Alice, you kn-"

Emmett interrupted before Edward could get more than five words out in that heavenly husky morning voice of his. And when Emmett spoke Emmett yelled.

His voice, booming out into the room, nearly shattered my ear drums, "I so knew it. Were you doin' the horizontal mambo the whole time we've been here? Oh, what about when you two 'hated each other'? Puh-lease. It was so obvious. You guys make goo-goo eyes at each other all the time and are always together. Joined at the hip. Like, like, Siamese."

Emmett stood there looking pretty pleased with himself for likening us to Siamese cats and therefore not seeing that everyone stood gobsmacked. He was actually very observant and I hadn't expected that. I also think that after Emmett's spiel, it had only just absorbed for everyone- including me- that Ally and Em had insinuated that Edward and I had had sex.

I turned around and burrowed back into Edward's neck, sure that my face was in flames currently.

I wanted to melt through the floor in my embarrassment, but even better, I instead stayed bundled in Edward's arms like a pet kitten or something, more than content to stay there forever.

**~/~**

**EdwardPOV**

After successfully cursing them out of my room, I turned Bella who was cocooned in my arms to look at me. I manoeuvred her so that I was propped up against my headboard with my knees up and Bella seated in my lap, essentially straddling me.

Before my thoughts could stray or she could reject the intimate position, I returned myself to the problem at hand. Thanks to the twerps we lovingly called our best friends. Though I had to admit they were pretty funny this morning.

I decided to try pleading with her, as she wouldn't look me in the eyes, "I'm sorry about that Bella. But, you know how they are. Good news is I got rid of them. Bella? Please look at me?" I got whiny towards the end but I was desperate to know what was wrong.

My stomach dropped and rolled as I realised she didn't like them alluding to us having sex.

_Well, Bella is probably in love with someone else, remember? _My inner monologue snarked.

She finally looked up at me apprehensively and I started to apologize.

"I am really, really sorry. I know you probably didn't dream of them finding us together, looking so.. intimate and stuff." _Though I wished you dreamt of that._ "But it was you that jumped into bed with me after all."

She interrupted before I could continue, "Edward. It's not that at all. I mean who wouldn't want to wake up in bed with you. You're gorgeous." Her blush intensified, as she obviously let secrets slip unbidden from her buttery lips, whilst she rambled nervously.

"Bella, it's okay. I think you're beautiful too," I smiled the grin I reserved for her, hoping to lighten her mood.

She only blushed harder, looking down, before peeking up at me through her long lashes. She continued her rambling.

"Anyway, I'm sure you want to know why you woke up with me. I'm not a creepy stalker or anything, I swear, it's just-"

"Hush. Calm down. Though I am curious as to why you were here?" Seeing her face fall, I quickly added to my words. "Not that I minded." It was truthful, at least.

And much to my delight I had learned she didn't mind waking up in bed with me.

She smiled reassured, but looked down again and began to twist her fingers in her lap nervously, while gnawing on the corner of her bottom lip.

I lifted my hand and pulled her lip away from her teeth unthinkingly. I quickly snapped my hand back to my side, trying to ignore the familiar jolt her skin sent to mine, when her head snapped up lightning fast to stare at me with wide eyes.

Right, cause touching your friends' lips was so normal. It was an intimate gesture. Even in this circumstance. It was for couples to do. _Hands to yourself, Cullen._ The inner voice reprimanded.

Christ, I was going crazy. Who has an inner monologue?

"You shouldn't bite on your lip all the time. It'll bleed. And you know how well you cope with blood," I took a jab at her more confidently then I was feeling and luckily it finally lightened the tense, electric mood that had taken over the room.

She released her lip from her teeth and began explaining why she'd come to find me at the crack of dawn.

"Um. Well, I couldn't sleep. I woke up early. And took a shower. But stopped putting it off as I was worried about you and wanted to be near you. I love being in your presence," she glanced at me shyly at her last admission, while I internally happy danced at, before continuing, "I noticed that you seemed pretty shaken up after Tanya popped over and I guess I mainly wanted to see if you were okay and if you wanted to talk then that too."

"Yeah. No, truly, I am fine. Tanya was not expected at all," I chuckled nervously. "I was kind of in shock and didn't really know how to act around her. It's been a long time."

"Alice said you two dated?" Bella questioned, with something lurking in her chocolate brown depths that I couldn't identify.

Her interest in my past with Tanya seemed strange and I pushed the odd, unidentifiable emotions swimming in her orbs out of my head, as I knew if I asked her, she wouldn't tell me and if I pondered it, I'd drive myself up the wall. I was at ease with her and it would be good to vent. But, I also felt it important to let her know where I stood too.

"Yeah, a long time ago. A little after we didn't see you for that period with your parents." _Coincidental much. _"She's, like, my only ever relationship. If even that." I shook my head, reminiscing. "It was out of obligation to stay together as Eleazer and Carlisle were such good friends. We were kinda set up by the old men. I think they were hoping we'd fall in love, have babies together and unite our families or something. I only ever felt platonic feelings for her, though."

Bella seemed limp with relief for some reason and I decided to push her further and see if what I suspected and dearly hoped was true. My sneaking suspicions were confirmed.

"Don't worry, Swan. You're still the number one girl in my life." I flashed a smile at her, hoping to convey my feelings without words. There was no mistaking my feelings and emotions, and no second guessing hers through her response either.

She seemed to understand and her face lit up before her next words stopped my heart.

"Cullen, you were always the number one boy in my life," she whispered quietly, but genuinely.

I think we both realised that the other had feelings for each other and I was ecstatic. There was no mistaking my words and expression nor hers. She didn't run away screaming. She wanted me.

Who knew the pixie and the bear would start the ball rolling for us? Not me. But, I sure as hell would have to thank them for their meddling for once. They saw what Bella and I were too stubborn to admit- we liked each other, as more than friends.

Bella's reactions to Tanya and climbing into my bed started to make sense and I wondered how long she had felt this way.

The impossible was indeed possible. It was a reality. My first kiss wanted me. My love wanted me. Maybe like me, she always had.

Interrupting me from my train of thought, Alice yelled for us to come out for breakfast, but most likely wanting to know the 'goss' on what went down with Tanya last night. Nosy, meddling little imp.

I groaned but replied, shouting out so she could hear me, "Just a minute, you little witch."

In response to my jest, I ironically heard Alice's roaring loud cackle. That's right, she cackled- like a witch! _I love my sister,_ I thought as I smiled fondly to myself.

Everything was beginning to fall into place. I guess time and patience really does pay off, huh!

We got up, out of bed and I noticed that Bella shivered upon feeling the cool air and I realised she only had on a tank top and shorts. She must have been in a hurry to see me this morning. Her hair was also still damp from her shower. She was beautiful and I smiled at the thought of her being anxious to see me again.

She noticed me staring and asked me what I was gazing at.

My answer was, "A pretty face with a beautiful soul."

_You're a smooth but cheesy fucker, Cullen. _What could I say? It's what Bella turned me into. It was true.

She blushed as expected and grinned a small, tentative grin before shivering lightly again. I couldn't have that, now could I?

I walked over to my cupboard, knowing what I was looking for before I reached it. I rooted around, ignoring Bella's questions before finding the monumental significant piece of material. I walked over to Bella and showed her the front and back of my old Seattle football jersey with my name and number printed on the back. I had never let a girl wear my jersey before, not for lack of people willing. Just never the right one.

I know Bella saw the name 'Cullen' printed above the number '13' as her eyes widened and something akin to hope started shining brightly in them.

"Would you like to wear this?"

The symbolism of my name printed on the back of it didn't go unnoticed and Bella seemed to understand that I was really asking 'Would you be my girl?' We were always so in tune with each other. We just knew what the other was thinking.

She smiled a smile that lit the room up and set my heart on fire before shaking her head and letting me help her slip into the too big sleeves.

Cullen's girl. It did have a nice ring to it. Oh hell, who am I kidding? I liked it. No, I loved it.

"Hey! Why the number thirteen?" Bella asked, evidently puzzled.

I felt my cheeks heat. I, Edward Cullen, just blushed. What was this girl doing to me? I secretly loved it.

"It's a special birthday number." I hinted at her sweetly, hoping she'd pick it up.

Maybe it seemed like we were unrealistically cliché already and all cutesy but we'd been this way our whole lives. We were natural and comfortable in our own skin. We fell into the step of something with each other like we'd been doing it forever and this wasn't any different. We were at home. It had always been like this.

I grabbed Bella's hand and she smiled adoringly as she gazed up at me, clearly thrilled as to why I'd chosen that jersey number when I made quarterback all those years ago. I probably solved a mystery she'd wondered about for years.

It had been freshman year, quite record breaking actually. Seattle had never had a team captain so young and my audition had been talked about for years. I'd just made captain of the track team and the P.E teachers were thrilled that we would probably take out Port Angeles that year with me in the pack.

Bella had only ever heard of the famous auditions and no one knew why thirteen was my number. It was wildly speculated about and little did they know the answer was right under their noses in the form of the person I 'hated'.

We'd stopped talking by that point and I hadn't seen Bella for over a year. I chose the number to honour to girl I had loved so long ago.

My first kiss.

We began our trek outside, to face the firing squad. No doubt Bella's attire and our newly improved mannerisms would set a thing or two off. They'd all have a field day and Alice and Emmett would be smug as all hell as they undoubtedly opened our eyes to everything this morning with their crass comments, and everyone knew it.

But I didn't care. I had her beside me. Where I'd always wanted her. That was all that mattered. Anything else could come. We'd weather any storms. Now that we were together there was no chance I was ever letting go.

I was filled with butterflies like a lovesick fool and couldn't wipe the gigantic smile almost breaking my face in half off of my face, before the butterflies dropped like dead weight in my stomach and my exuberant mood plummeted, as I remembered.

Time seemed suspended and I tried to kill it by slowing my steps to the living room but all too soon we were there and as expected 'the Gang' were spread over the butter-soft couches awaiting an explanation.

Fuck.

And Bella would be too.

Double fuck.

Things seemed to be finally progressing for us. Maybe we could move past some uncrossed line into new territory- together. That was a naive thought though. There were new obstacles for us, in play now. Guilt wracked me. I began to squirm as I wondered how I would explain. And to Alice. They always left me the dirty work.

My previously forgotten and suppressed reality- no, our reality- rushed back at me, forcing me to acknowledge it.

Thanks to Tanya's enlightening and unexpected appearance, it seemed very unlikely that anything would get a chance to bloom. After the bomb Tanya dropped on me, it looked like we had little time left.

**~/~**

**_'In reality, killing time is only the name for another of the multifarious ways by which Time kills us.'  
~Osbert Sitwell  
_**

**_

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_**

**A/N: IMPORTANT = READ**

_Good response last chapter and I wanna hit 70 reviews this time at least before updating. You need to get reviewing, especially if you haven't yet. There's not much time left for you to do it. The story is ending! Alot of you have never reviewed and its very disappointing. Even if for your first and only time, you review this chapter. Just let me know what you think, your opinions are very important to me. Whether good or bad.  
_

_We're nearing the end of the story and we only have a few chapters to go. It was at the beginning going to be a regular length story but I realised it would be unnecessarily and boringly drawing things out and I don't want to do that to the readers, myself but most importantly the story. It's generally just supposed to be a nice, short story.  
_

_Note that while I do intend to finish this but my updates may be erratic as school has just started back up again and RL kicks my arse._

_Something really important that I need all the readers to voice their opinions on: would you guys be opposed to a semi-lemon eventually?_

_You should definitely review this chapter as their are a mountain of reasons why you should, the least of all being that I won't update until I hit my review target of 70. I have tonnes more readers the 24 reviews to get there, so come out of the woodworks, if even to only say 'good' or 'bad'._

_And I'm very interested to know your thoughts: what do you think will happen? What do you want to happen? What went down with Tanya? What do you think will be the climax of the tale? ETC._**  
**

**Reviews=update  
****Let me know. Leave me love or hate- whichever applies. I'm holding my breath on this one.**


	9. Reason For Standing Still

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Twilight. Not even a little. Plagiarism or redistribution of my story that isn't authorized beforehand will land you in a world of trouble. The usual stuff. Respectively in this chapter the song by Nick Lachey and the one by PCD belongs to it's rightful owners. The semi-quotes at the start belong to American Mall and it's rightful owners.**  
...**

**A/N: **So, this is a pretty quick update for me. This chapter hard to write as the next chapters will also be, so bare with me. Patience is a virtue.

As usual, thank you to all the alerting and favourites, and most of all the reviews. They warm my heart. We hit exactly 70 after a few weeks and you all have the newcomers **rbsschess** and **lgmrkm**, in particular to thank, as they have reviewed EVERY CHAPTER! And won my heart too.

I'm sending a shout out to them as they are currently among my favourite readers. Check out their stories!

This chapter is alternately titled 'Beginnings and Endings' and 'How The Story Ends.'

See you at the bottom!

**~/~**

**Song rec:** What's Left Of Me By Nick Lachey

_and_ I Hate This Part By The Pussycat Dolls

**

* * *

CHAPTER NINE: WHAT'S LEFT  
**

_Watch my life,__ Pass me by, In the rear view mirror__  
Pictures frozen in time__, Are becoming clearer__  
I don't wanna waste another day__  
Stuck in the shadow of my mistakes__  
Yeah..._

_Cause I want you,__ And I feel you,_  
_Crawling underneath my skin_  
_Like a hunger,__ Like a burning,_  
_To find a place I've never been_  
_Now I'm broken,__ And I'm faded,_  
_I'm half the man I thought I would be:_  
_But you can have what's left of me_

_I've been dying inside,__ Little by little,_  
_No where to go,__ But going out of my mind_  
_In endless circles,_  
_Running from my self until,_  
_You gave me a reason for standing still_

_**-What's Left Of Me by Nick Lachey**_

**~\\\~**

**Edward's POV**

My happiness with Bella was obviously short lived. I must have been dreaming wide awake. But, that wasn't true. It did happen. It was just over now. I tried to revel in the moment, of being here- together with Bella, hands clasped, as one- before I couldn't any longer.

If I was lucky Bella would still have me. We could work it out. With all the obstacles, it was possible to overcome them. I'd be broken and a shell and Bella would surely be the same but we could make it. We had to. But, I couldn't allow myself to hope. If I did and it came to nothing, I'd become nothing.

Bella and I sat down on the couch with everyone. Bella seemed to sense my unease and squeezed my hand. She appeared outwardly calm but I didn't buy it. Either way, she didn't know. Yet.

No wonder she was relatively calm still.

No one noticed myself and Bella's new developments. But, then I realised we held hands and were quite lovey-dovey with each other all the time. Surely they could sense the difference of dynamics between Bella and I.

I suppose they were too worried and intrigued to give that much thought to it.

My musings were proven correct when after we were all settled, Alice started in.

"Well, obviously breakfast will wait." She grinned a little before her face became serious again and she continued. "Edward, what does Tanya want? Why is she here?"

**

* * *

**

_**Flashback to last night**_

There was no way that what she said could be true. No way. Absolutely no way. There had to be a mistake. Someone would have told me. By now, anyone would have. I had to have known if it were true. It was simply impossible. There had to be a mistake.

But there was one thing stopping my attempt at optimism: Tanya was not a liar.

"Erm. I'm sorry. Actually make that double sorry. I actually have to run right now. I need to talk to talk to her. Sorry about this but obviously I had no idea and need to-"

Tanya smiled fondly at me, "Sure Edward. Go."

I smiled appreciatively at her before running to the elevator. I waited impatiently for the elevator, meanwhile having far too much time on my hands to mull over what Tanya had said.

The 'ding' of the elevator interrupted my spiral into depression and I hopped on. With my anxiousness and thoughts, time rushed by and I soon slipped by the night-post undetected.

The watchman must have been on break. At least something was going my way.

I sprinted to the Volvo and panicked when I thought I left my keys back upstairs. Thank goodness, they were in my pants pocket.

I unlocked the doors and jumped in, closing the door quickly behind me.

I was about to start the engine when I realised I had nowhere to go.

Shit.

They were most likely still in Seattle. _You're in Forks now, Edward. Remember?_

Well this was just fucking dandy.

Wasting no time punching the steering wheel or anything moronic like that, I leaned forward in the driver's seat and grabbed my phone from my jeans' back pocket.

Was I ever glad, now, that I hadn't changed into my sleepwear. I would have probably left my phone and keys upstairs if I had.

I dialled the familiar number and waited with baited breath for her to pick up. Carlisle was probably at the hospital doing a shift, so she was my only hope at the moment.

"Edward, it's so-" Esme sang before I cut her off.

"Mom. Where are you?"

_Please tell me not in Seattle. Please not Seattle. Please, please, please. Please. Please. Pl-_

"I'm not in Seattle if you need to see me. Edward, you're scaring me! What's going on? You sound distressed," Esme was beginning to panic.

Thank God for Esme's interior design business from home, or else it would be a long commute. Too long.

"Relax. I'm not in any trouble. It's fine."

Before she could sigh in relief or interject, I continued, "But I'm not fine. And please hear me out. I need you to tell me exactly where you are. No questions right now. I need to see you. Now."

Thankfully she could sense this wasn't a time to argue and she complied, telling me the information I needed.

"Alright, Edward. But you will explain. You can't call and say 'don't worry', it makes me worried. I'm actually in town at the moment. I was going to surprise you guys and pop in tomorrow. I'm working on re-designing Mrs Weber's kitchen in Port Angeles. I'm staying in Forks though so we could spend the day together tomorrow. Why?"

"Okay, whereabouts are you at the moment? I need to see you now."

"I'm at the Forks Drive-In Motel just on the edge of town. It's on your left before the freeway. Room seven."

I started up my car and began backing out before heading off to her accommodation.

"Edward? Are you still there?" Esme interrupted my thoughts.

"Sorry. I must have zoned out while concentrating on my driving. I'll be there in ten."

"Edward. At least tell me the basis of your concern."

Taking a deep breath, I bulldozed on, "Tanya Denali. She's here. I mean, she came to see me. She told me... she told me that... well, she told me some things. So, that brought me here."

Silence.

I continued.

"We need to talk."

**

* * *

**

**Present Time  
**

I stared at each of the curious faces in the room evenly before beginning to speak.

"Tanya was in town and figured she'd stop by. I suppose I had better explain to everyone besides Al and Jas how we know them first."

The murmured agreements came from everyone. Everyone except Bella. I still couldn't look her in the eyes after I remembered what could tear us apart, literally. Perhaps she had the same intuitive sense of foreboding as I and didn't want to find out.

I owed it to her and to everyone else to explain, I knew. But it didn't curb my apprehension any.

"Carlisle and Esme have been friends for a long time with the Denali's. They live in New York. They're actually our godparents. Actually that could cause legal issues now, come to think of it." I trailed off, lost in my thoughts before realising my surroundings.

"Anyway, a year before Alice and I were born, Dad was at a medical conference at NYU for the weekend and met Eleazer there. He's a doctor at Lenox Hill. He's actually Chief of Staff, but he was a resident at the time. Carlisle and Eleazar hit it off immediately and kept in touch. When Carmen, Eleazar's wife, was pregnant with their first daughter Irina, they immediately wanted Carlisle and Esme as the godparents. They didn't have many true friends as Manhattan, especially the medical scene, is crawling with high society and acquaintances. It's rare to find true friends there. Esme and Carlisle obviously agreed and we were born after Tanya. Kate was the youngest, two years younger than us. Carmen grew tired of their hometown and that's why they moved out of the big city to here for a break a few years ago. They left shortly before Bella returned."

By now, our new friends knew Bella's story and her family's breakdown, so that was one less thing to explain. Normally, I'd be relieved for this seemingly inconsequential detail but now I was wishing we weren't as immediately close as we were because now I had less time and words to stall with.

Before I could continue Rose asked a question, "Wait, Edward. I'm a little confused. You and Tanya do have history, right?"

Ugh. Of course someone would ask that.

Bella and I's parents always secretly wanted us together. They thought we were perfect for each other. Their sly words and little nudges into _that_ direction ended abruptly when Bella and I didn't speak for that long amount of time, during her parent's separation and divorce. Renee and Charlie's marriage and separation only lasted so long because they tried to stick it out for Bella's sake but in the end it was impossible.

When the Denali's moved to Forks, planning to stay only for a year or so, to regroup from the bustle of city life, Esme tried her hand at matchmaking again. She still thought Bella and I were made for each other but listened to my protests. It had hurt to think about Bella at the time and Esme backed off. She didn't particularly like Tanya and I together but settled for it. We were pushed into a relationship when all we felt for each other was friendship. We played it off for our parents to appease them but never even kissed. She was still my only serious relationship though. I'd never actually committed, only went on the dates Alice insisted on. The deal with Tanya worked because it got Alice to back off of hooking me up with girls at school in the wake of my funk after Bella. Tanya was just a good person helping me out. Alice wasn't sold on me and Tanya together, I think she secretly prayed Bella would actually be her sister by law one day, but settled for it. Tanya and I still kept in regular contact but I hadn't seen her since the Denali's left town.

Before I could answer Rose, Alice jumped in, shocking me.

"They were in a relationship but never saw each other that way. Mom, Dad and Carmen and Eleazar pushed them into it." I never knew Alice had noticed. I probably shouldn't have doubted her though. She'd castrate me if she knew.

Alice had always had this sixth sense. She couldn't predict the future or anything like that but had this uncanny knack for knowing who would end up together and the basic outline of what would happen. She'd once predicted Bella and I would die blissfully happy together, old and wrinkly, and still in all-consuming love together.

Ironic that she was getting her wish of me and Bella waking up, along with Esme and Carlisle, only to have it happen before having fate unfairly snatch it away. Woe is to be ruled by the stars.

"I probably never helped." My head snapped up. "Edward, don't look at me like that!"

I didn't realise I had made a face until Alice reprimanded me. Yep, she was unhappy that I had doubted her super senses.

"Okay. Whatever Alice. So, where were we! As I was saying, they were in Forks for a break from their life. Carlisle had gotten Eleazar a job at the hospital and all was fine and dandy. Right before sophomore year started, Eleazar was contacted by Lenox Hill. Their previous Chief of Staff was retiring and they wanted Eleazar back to fill in the role. It was too good a promotion to be passed up and they packed up and returned to NY. Eleazar and Carmen are like second parents to Alice and me so what came yesterday was a punch in the gut."

"Edward..? What are you talking about?" Alice was starting to look worried and rightly so.

"Tanya wasn't here to win me back or something or to cause trouble. She was here for Eleazar."

Bella spoke up for the first time, "What's wrong with Eleazar?"

_And ding ding ding ding.. She hit the nail on the head with the hammer and asked the million dollar unspoken question._

Her wary 'what's wrong with Eleazar' really translated to the unspoken but detriment 'how does it affect all of us', in a most unselfish manner though.

I whispered my reply.

"Eleazar's sick."

Everyone stilled in shocked, horrified silence before it being broken by Alice's sobs. She and everyone else could tell it was miserable by my heartbroken tone.

I didn't think to explain that he'd be alright. It didn't cross my mind.

She stuttered and wailed for an indiscernible amount of time. I was tempted to join in and wallow with her but I'd grieved last night. When she managed to calm down a little and was only sniffling quietly, I continued.

I explained what Esme had told me last night or really the early morning of today before I came home and crashed in bed for the night, before waking up beside Bella.

I told everyone how after experiencing the typical symptoms of headaches, double vision and difficulty walking, Eleazar's muscles had given out and he'd collapsed. He was doing a shift at the time and a passing resident had called ER to help him. They'd ran a series of tests before finding that he had a brain tumor. They operated almost immediately after running more tests and consulting the surgeons. It was a successful operation, thank god, but he needs to be kept a close eye on. Afterwards he underwent chemotherapy to be safe and now he was being medicated and ordered to bed rest. There were certain to be after effects.

As bad as the news was it wasn't the bomb, Tan had dropped. Though they were interrelated.

After Tanya told me of Eleazar's condition, which neither Alice or I had been notified about and reassured me that he was now fine, she then enthusiastically detailed how excited she was that we'd be spending so much time together again.

Confused, I asked her what she meant. She realised that obviously I had no idea of the news and was very graceful in letting me run out on her to talk to Esme.

Esme further explained that Carmen was beside herself and an absolute mess. Following his diagnosis months ago everything was chaos and the Denali family were dealing with the immediate and didn't think to contact anyone outside of family. Though as close as ever, the Cullen's and Denali's had lost contact and they hadn't thought to call us. A week ago Esme received a call from a worried and distraught Carmen. Carmen didn't know whether the tumor would come back and whether Eleazar would ever fully be himself again. She needed all the support she could get.

Esme and Carlisle immediately began making plans but were unsure how to tell us. They probably would have left it til the minute had Tanya not been passing through and cared to visit.

"Esme and Carlisle want to be there for the Denali family. Carlisle's a great doctor and an even better friend while Esme is too loving and trusting for her own good. Carlisle has pull at Seattle and while similar to taking a leave of absence for a year, he's transferring to Lenox Hill for a year with his job still waiting in Seattle when he gets back. They're moving to New York. A woman from Lenox Hill who is exchanging positions with Carlisle, will replace him at Seattle while he's gone. Lenox Hill have wanted to snatch Carlisle and his perfect transcripts up for years. They hope he'll consider staying once he's there."

"Both Esme and Carlisle want to be there for the Denali's and Carlisle will help with rehabilitating Eleazar back into everyday life in his free time. It's a great opportunity career wise too. Even for Esme, she can pick up a few high profile jobs for her interior design business while up there. They think New York might be a nice change too. Seattle's so much different. Tanya told me last night then I met with Mom. She confirmed. Esme didn't know how to tell us." I spoke in particular to Alice towards the end.

Alice immediately started screaming that Carlisle and Esme couldn't leave us. I let her rant until she calmed down. I looked around my makeshift family, at concerned and sad eyes.

Looking into Bella's haunted eyes, I realised she must have knew. I had been naive to hope for a miracle. It was all in vain. It wouldn't be fair to ask that of Bella. I took a deep breath with a heavy heart before I spoke the words that would end the story and hope of Bella and I together, whilst sealing my fate.

"They're not leaving us. They want us to go to New York with them."

**~\\\~**

**"The world slows down, but my heart beats fast right now. I know this is the part. Where the end starts."**_**  
-I Hate This Part by The Pussycat Dolls  
**_

* * *

**A/N: **This was supposed to be a lot shorter of a chapter than it is, as are the remaining ones but Edward ran away from me. Alot of this chapter were his thoughts and recounting but it's necessary for the story. Most of FP has been like that actually.

Anyway, there is quite exciting news. I have several new, fabulous banners made for me and the links are on my profile. Thanks again to **FrozenSoldier, kstewfangirl** and **annamorphos** for sharing with me their lovely talent and as a result my small band of lovely followers too.

I've made a Twitter account just for fanfiction purposes. Come on over and play. Follow me **younganndmature** You can ask me questions and we can chat about FP or anything else. The link is also on my profile. I'll also give regular updates there on the progress of chapters etc.

I read and reply to each and every review and PM and love to hear from you and how you're liking the story. Especially now that we're nearing the end I definitely want to hear from you.

Was the big revelation in this chapter a disappointment? Are you happy that I've gone un-cliche style and made Tanya just a nice gal? What are your thoughts and ideas on what'll happen next?

Review and let me know. This time, we're looking to hit 90 reviews before I update. It's not much at all. If everyone of you guys reading it take a minute out even to say 'good' or 'bad' or just send me an emotion ':)' or ':(', it'll suffice. In fact, we'd more than exceed 100 reviews. I have a fair few of readers that never review which is very disappointing. Two seconds won't kill you.

That's it. Next chapter in a few weeks, maximum a month. I'm in the middle of schooling, remember? RL sucks. Don't hate on me.

**Reviews=updates**


	10. Taking All Of Me

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Twilight. Not even a little. Plagiarism or redistribution of my story that isn't authorized beforehand will land you in a world of trouble. The usual stuff. Respectively in this chapter the song by Lifehouse belongs to it's rightful owners. The quotes belong to it's rightful owners.**  
...**

**A/N: **Sorry if anyone received a chapter alert from me earlier. I uploaded the wrong document and updated with an AN and not the chaper. Long story.

This one was hard to write as the next chapters will also be, so be patient. I just finished this now and its not beta'd atm, so beware. It's probably a hot mess.

Please note that this story is going on hiatus for about a month. I'm getting the earlier chapters edited by proper beta's to clean it up and perfect it. I won't update till thats done so keep that in mind.

In other news; FP didn't win any categories at The Twilight Gem Awards but I was amazed at the amount that voted. Thank you so much for the support!

As always, thank you for all the story alerts, favourites, author alerts & favourites and most of all the reviews. They warm my heart. Welcome aboard to all the newbies! I'm honored to have y'all.

Please give me the gift of your thoughts on this chapter. It's pretty short and sweet. Well, not sweet. Maybe bittersweet. Things are coming to a head.

Links to banners and other sites are all on my profile. So is my Twitter. If anyone wants the song playlist, PM me.

See you at the bottom!

**~/~**

**Song rec:** Hanging By A Moment by Lifehouse

* * *

**CHAPTER 10: DECISIONS AND ILLUSIONS**

_Desperate for changing _  
_Starving for truth _  
_I'm closer to where I started _  
_Chasing after you _

_I'm falling even more in love with you _  
_Letting go of all I've held onto _  
_I'm standing here until you make me move _  
_I'm hanging by a moment here with you _

_Forgetting all I'm lacking _  
_Completely incomplete _  
_I'll take your invitation _  
_You take all of me now..._

_**-Hanging By A Moment by Lifehouse**  
_

**~\\\~**

**Bella POV**

Ever had one of those moments where because of the emotional impact of words, your world as you know it comes to a complete standstill? The earth stops spinning and your breathing stops. You want to suck in air but you can't. You feel helpless and afraid. You are forced to remain suspended in that moment and know, in a sixth sense way, that the outcomes of it will haunt you forever.

Yeah, me neither. Until now.

I was living my very own nightmare.

It was a drawn out, stilted pause as we were all shocked into a bewildered silence.

But, I wouldn't let myself believe.

Edward's words... I couldn't comprehend his words. It all seemed like garbled nonsense to me. It was probably some subconscious technique my mind decided to play. Ignorance truly is bliss.

Seconds ticked on, minutes could have passed; hours, days, years. I couldn't place an accurate estimation of time. Time failed to exist for me now. Though, it did feel like I was stuck in some twisted dream, where everything moved in slow motion and everything felt like eternities had passed.

It was all silent... until Alice broke it.

By broke, I mean she literally broke. Her sanity threshold was had hit its limit. She broke and so did my eardrums.

Screeching and blubbering, she still managed to protest, "What? They can't just do this to us! Eleazar's like a second father to us but we can always just visit him. We can't just be uprooted. School just started. It's senior year. What about Jazzy?" Her rant was interrupted by an onset of hysterical hiccups.

After roughly ten seconds, she calmed very marginally and persevered, "What about Bella? Who will dress her? She'll be a walking disaster without me." I was about to roll my eyes before her innocuous little comment set something off in me.

Everything sunk in and I froze, only hearing their voices as white noise.

They were leaving. Edward was leaving.

It was all I could think of.

No matter how awful of a friend it made me, I couldn't think of Alice. She was nothing compared to Edward. He was my life, my heart, my soul. He always had been. Even if we'd both never outright acknowledged it. What a waste of time all those years were...

And Edward and I were so new as a couple. Married couples sometimes couldn't do the long distance relationship, so how would we survive the distance? I could handle not seeing Alice for a year.

_Don't panic, Bella. Don't panic. Don't be selfish._

I came back to the real world and the very real conversation that was taking place. But, now I was merely an observer and not a participant, as I watched the scene unfold.

"We can't move there. We just can't." Alice seemed to be repeating the words in some sort of trance.

Seeing his sister breaking down, absolutely hysterical, Edward intervened before Alice could jump out the window or something as irrational.

"Al, this is a misunderstanding. Seriously! Just shut up for a sec' and let me talk. They're not going to force us to go to New York City. I promise. You're not going anywhere!"

It didn't escape my notice that he only referred to Alice, in relation to the not going anywhere but, and not himself in particular.

Wary and broken, knowing that at any second my thumping heart might just thump right out of my chest, I listened on.

There was no point, I just had that feeling in my gut. Nothing good could come of this.

Edward continued, "Eleazar's better, Al. He went through treatment and is on the road to recovery. The Denali family has had a stressful last few months, and you know mom. She and Carlisle both want to go up there to support them. They figure they'll stay there a year anyway. It's a good career opportunity. Dad is going to oversee Eleazar's recovery and do a work-placement switch for a year. Mom will hopefully get to pick up new clients while up there. The Upper East and West side are high profile," Edward teased towards the end.

No one was laughing. Not even him. None of us could even muster a smile.

"So? That doesn't change anything. Oh my god, my life is in shambles..." Alice's melodramatic tendencies were really starting to get on my nerves.

I snapped at her, "Shut it, Al! Let him talk."

Her eyes darted to me, confused, before she seemingly accepted my reprimand and bowed her head, an indication for her brother to continue explaining. She probably wrote my behaviour off as stress over the situation. It was so much more than that, though.

Edward barely managed to shoot me an appreciative, sad smile; it was one that I couldn't return, before turning back to Alice.

"Obviously mom and dad both want us there. But, they know how attached you are to Jas and our friends. They know you're in a relationship and so they especially don't want to force your hand. They know how much I love everyone here too. They don't want to force my hand either. Not going with them is essentially no different to our situation now, as we're at boarding school and don't see them anyway. But, you know how mom is. When there is a real barrier stopping her from seeing her children, it's awful. Besides, going to New York for high school is an opportunity that they want to give to us, regardless. They know I'm obviously more liable to agree. They don't want to rush me and they're letting me make my own decision, but I need to let them know by tonight. They're leaving in two days. It was kind of a last minute thing as they just found out."

I zoned out after Edward said that.

I spent my time trying to contemplate life without my reason for existence.

Later, when I felt someone nudging my shoulder, I looked up into the face of Edward. I briefly noticed that the room had emptied out.

He looked torn and he couldn't stop running his hands through his hair and tugging at the roots. It was a nervous habit of his.

I cleared my throat before asking the dreaded question. It was dubbed a dreaded question due to the possibility of the answer breaking my heart.

"What are you deciding, Edward?"

"I don't know. I think have to go think about it. I'm leaning towards one side but it's a big decision. I shouldn't rush into anything, y'know?"

I attempted a smile, but it probably came out as more of a grimace, before telling him to take all the time he needed. He dashed out of the room before I could add to my offer.

I was alone. Jasper had Alice. But Edward was more than likely leaving.

I knew what Edward and I had was real, and what had happened an hour earlier in his bedroom was reality. We both felt it and we always would.

There was no use in denying that simple truth.

Except it wasn't simple anymore.

Our original group had always planned to go to New York City together for college next year. It was our long-time field dream. Except, it was only a field dream for me. I would attend Cornell, Jasper at NYU, Alice at Parson's and Edward at Juilliard. Our plans were set. We wouldn't be split up.

We also later found out that both Rose and Em wanted NYU for first choice.

But now... this was such a good opportunity for Edward. Juilliard had been scouting him since he was nine and watching his recitals since he hit his teens. He was a piano-playing prodigy. They wanted to snatch him up all for themselves. He had a guaranteed place at the school, obviously. If he went to New York, he could start college early, during the summer.

Or at the very least, he could do music workshops while he was there. He could be up there with his parents and acclimatize to the new city. High schools in New York had great opportunities for bright minds like Edward that tiny, insignificant Forks couldn't offer.

I was panicking. If I didn't get into Cornell with a scholarship, then what would happen? It was okay for Edward. He was guaranteed a spot. Everyone else's college choices weren't dependent upon scholarships. It wasn't that Charlie was poor but the school's with the best writing programs often cost a fortune. Even the ones that didn't... Charlie was a police officer. You don't get paid a fortune for that and Renee and Charlie, loving as they are, never thought to set up a college savings account. I did some part-time work at one of the local diner's in Seattle for a while but that money was small and went towards my own everyday spending. I'd chosen not to worry about college at the time. Putting it off and saying I'd deal with it when the time came. Instead, I worked hard at school. I studied my arse off for my grades so when the time came, colleges wouldn't have to give me a second glance. I'd be in with the first look.

Even if I didn't get in to Cornell with a scholarship, I could always go to another school, but I would still need a scholarship. I had always put off the thought that our original group may not make it to the "Big Apple" together. I was always good at avoidance and I'd just let myself forget about it, 'til it was absolutely necessary. But now my time was up and I had to risk it. It was the only way.

God, life was so unfair.

_Stop!_

No breaking down. No emotion. I sealed my heart off from my mind for the time being and set forth to do what I needed to do, after giving myself a little pep talk.

_Don't think of what'll happen after right now. Do what you have to do and then you can... but, later._

I had to do the right thing, by the man I loved.

With love as guidance and only a shattered heart remaining, and only that alone, I knew what I had to do.

**~/~**

**Edward POV**

My two choices sat there taunting me and I knew either way it would determine my future. How could I choose?

_Think Cullen. What did Alice and Esme say? _

Oh yeah. Follow your heart.

As cheesy as it sounded, it was true, and instantly I knew my decision.

I was such a dumb arse. There never was a decision to make. I just had to stop worrying about others and think about what I really wanted.

There was a fork in the road. Quite ironic considering the town was called Forks... but anyway, there was a fork, which meant two choices and two outcomes which would be consequence of the choices.

I started walking back to Bella's room. She would be there. Either way, ever since finding out from Tanya and Esme, I always knew my decision would be painful. One party would be hurt and I knew which lot that was now, thanks to Alice and Esme's wise advice.

I was absolute. I would not be one of those people who looked back on life and regretted it. It was like that guy we had been studying in Philosophy. His name was John M. Richardson Jr. He once said _"When it comes to the future, there are three kinds of people: those who let it happen, those who make it happen, and those who wonder what happened." _I didn't want to be that third kind of person. That one that wondered what happened. Or what could've happened. I would not be plagued with "what if's" when I was grey. That wouldn't be me.

No regrets. I had to do what I wanted. For me. I had to start now or I never would.

My decision was what I wanted and it wasn't to please other people. For the first time in my life, I was going to do something for me. I couldn't let other people's desires dictate my life's course. Or else I'd end up alone, with no love or passion to speak of.

Alice was right. I was too selfless. Maybe I had some sort of good Samaritan type of complex.

Rounding the corner of the hall I was in, I realized she would be devastated. I felt bad but I was following my heart and then in and of itself entailed breaking a few, I guess.

Following your heart. That's what it came down to in the end.

Two choices, two different futures.

The two roads? They were doors to two different places. Passages to two different lives.

Door one, in an alternate universe, with another person, would have been the ideal choice.

But, it wasn't an alternate universe nor with someone else. It was me and it was my life. I couldn't be that person.

But, door two?

Door two held what I knew, from the bottom of my heart and soul, was my future and where I wanted to be.

And with that I just knew. I knew my heart and therefore when I closed my eyes to imagine, I could see my future, and so I stormed forth. What I saw there in my future, behind my eyelids, was lying and waiting behind one of the doors. I just had to tell the necessary people and I'd be where I always wanted to be. I was sure in my decision, but I was also wary. I had no doubts or anything of the sort, but I had this unsettled feeling, almost like I could feel it was the calm before the storm.

I was walking towards and coming closer to creating, what was sure to be a storm of epic proportions, with every step, by delivering the news of where my future lay.

I just had to tell Bella now.

Currently, my choice was decided. There was a heart to break and I knew who I'd be inflicting that upon.

**~/~**

"_**I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today."  
**_**-William Allen White

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**A/N: **If you didn't read the top: THIS STORY IS GOING ON A HIATUS!

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